


The Way I Am

by TangoDown1800



Category: Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2, modern warfare
Genre: Eventual Sex, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-05 21:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4195713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TangoDown1800/pseuds/TangoDown1800
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two complete strangers have more in common than they think. Screwed up pasts, secrets, and war bring them together in a way they both never thought would be possible.</p><p>*Now on FF.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Recruits

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a Ghost fic ever since I read the Modern Warfare 2: Ghost comics. He was already interesting to me, one of my favorite characters, but reading about his history made him all the more interesting. This chapter is from his POV.

One thing he learned over the years was how fucking nosy people could be.

It was frustrating, but he knew he would always be questioned walking around wearing a balaclava day in and day out. The only times he took it off was when he took a shower and when he went to bed.

He had nothing to hide, not on his face at least, but he liked to keep everyone guessing. The rumors he head were hilarious: he didn't have a nose, he had a horrific scar across his face, half of his face was missing, etc.

The rumors never got to him. He had been through much worse in his life and he wasn't going to let silly rumors bother him.

 

Ghost was the name he used for himself and it stuck, Simon "Ghost" Riley, but no one called him Simon except for his Captain, John MacTavish better known as Soap. It annoyed him at first, but he got used to it when he realized that Soap would continue to call him whatever the hell he wanted.

Soap was the closest thing he had to family since...well, since a few years ago. 

He left that life behind and started a new one, took on a new persona. Soap never asked him questions even when they first met and he appreciated that. He didn't want to talk about his past and why he wanted to leave everything behind.

 

At breakfast that morning Soap had told him that he would have to deal with the new recruits. 

He  _hated_ new recruits.

The reason? They stared and asked too many questions. Questions he would never answer. Questions he couldn't be arsed to answer.

He was in a bad mood which was normal for him, but even much more so than usual.

Ghost reluctantly walked over to the bus that the new recruits were filing out of. "Fucking muppets," he said to himself as he approached them. Of course they all stared, all except for one who was busy looking at her surroundings.

"Oi!" Ghost shouts and almost everyone flinches and looks at him. He had her attention now. Small thing she was. Couldn't be more than 5'2. He kept his eyes on her as he yelled, "Form up!"

She lined up shoulder to shoulder with everyone else and stood at attention. He walked in front of them giving his usual speech about today being the only easy day they'll have.

His eyes turn to her again and he's happy he has his shades on so he won't look like a creep. She must be good if she's made it this far. He notices an angry red scar running from her jaw to her throat.

Suddenly she looks at him and he looks away slowly, not wanting to seem obvious. 

Ghost couldn't help but to be impressed. She was the first female recruit the task force had got in awhile. The few they did get never lasted long. He wanted to believe she was different from the others, but he would have to wait and see.

_Why are you so concerned about her?_

He starts to walk away and he hears a voice call out behind him. "Sir?"

He stops without turning around. She walks up to where he's standing. "Um...Lieutenant?"

"Yes?" Ghost answers and begins walking again.

"Well, I was wondering where I would be staying seeing as how I am the only female recruit here," she says while looking down.  _Is it that hard to look at me? Well, I guess it's better than having her stare at me..._

He stops suddenly and she stumbles to a stop. Ghost looks at her and he notices that she is trying to keep her head turned slightly, hiding the side with the scar. When she looks at him, there's no fear, no questioning look.

"Straight ahead. Women's barracks," he says. She smiles and nods before walking off.

 

"Oi, Simon!" Soap calls, "Did you not hear me calling you?!"

Ghost turns to him, "No I didn't. Sorry mate."

"What's got your attention?" Soap asks and Ghost just shrugs, "Maybe I'm ignoring you because you made me deal with the recruits and you know how much I hate doing that."

Soap shakes his head, "It can't be THAT bad, you're just a pessimist."

"With good reason," Ghost snaps back.

"Alright, alright. Calm down, Simon," Soap says. Ghost is quiet for a long time then says, "I'm starving, let's go eat."

"You're always hungry," Soap teases.

"Its because I work so hard," he says and Soap rolls his eyes. He knew he could always rely on Soap for anything. Soap understood his random mood swings and how sometimes he just didn't want to be bothered. Task Force 141 was the only family he had. Soap was his brother.

 

All the noise in the mess hall snaps him out of his thoughts.

He grabs a plate of almost everything.

"My god man, where does it all go?" A familiar voice says. Worm, one of the few Americans in the 141.

"Fuck off, Worm."

He, Soap and Worm find a table with a few of the other men. "Evening Lieutenant," Roach says sitting across from him.

"Evening," Ghost responds, removing his shades and pulling his balaclava up slightly to reveal his mouth. He starts eating while looking around, which he always does. He spots the new girl at the end of the table eating alone.  _That was me a few years back._

She doesn't seem bothered by it though.  _Just ask her to come sit with you all, it won't hurt._ "I'll be right back," he says standing.

He walks down to where she's sitting and she looks up. He leans over placing his hands on the table, "Why are you sitting alone?"

"I don't know anyone," she says.

"I could introduce you to a few of the guys," Ghost says. She looks nervous all the sudden and turns her head away.

"If you're worried about that," he nods to her scar," There's no need to be."

She looks him right in the eyes and stands, "Okay." He walks her back down to where he was sitting with the other guys. She still sits a little ways away from them.

"Guys, this is..." Ghost just remembered he never asked for her name. He looks at her and she says her name just loud enough for him to hear. "This is [your name], everyone," he says then proceeds to introduce her to everyone.

He can tell she's still pretty uncomfortable and he sits next to her, "You'll be fine. I was the same way when I first got here, but now these people are like family."

"It'll just take some time, but thank you Lieutenant Riley."

"If we're going to be family you have to call me Ghost like everyone else."

She smiles.

 

"Okay....thank you..Ghost."

 


	2. Proving Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You impress Ghost and a few of the other guys with your skills..

***Your POV***

 

You didn't expect him to be so nice to you. The way he had greeted everyone you certain that he could never be someone she called a friend.

So when he came to her and introduced her to everyone, she was shocked to say the least. You had swore you caught him staring at you, but you couldn't tell because of his sunglasses.

 _He was probably staring at your scar._ You sigh and look at yourself in the mirror. It seemed so long ago, but the scar made it so that you would never forget.

You weren't a vain person, but you considered yourself attractive at one time. Now, you didn't know what to think of yourself. The scar honestly didn't take much away from your looks but you felt like it did. You felt as though that was the first thing everyone saw when they looked at you. Your boyfriend had stayed with you even after that incident so that had to mean  _something._

 _I wonder if the Lieutenant is hiding a scar as well..._ It wasn't your place to ask and it really was none of your business.

You had so many questions about your mysterious Lieutenant.  _Why was he called Ghost? Why did he seem so angry, but then so nice?_ He was probably only being nice because he felt bad about you being the only female recruit.

You really have a lot to prove. You had a feeling that you would be laughed out of the room if you told them that you wanted to be a sniper. Your own boyfriend had made fun of you back home until he saw what you could do with a sniper rifle.

You were one of the few Americans to be chosen and the only woman this time around.  _I have TONS to prove..._

You get into bed and try not tot think too much. Your anxiety always gets the best of you when you're going to bed. Surprisingly, you fall asleep almost immediately.

 

When you wake up in the morning, you decide to go out to the range to practice your shooting. 

You take a shower and throw your camo bottoms on and a plain black t-shirt. You're not sure how strict they are here, but you put your hair up into a messy bun just to be safe.

As you reach the shooting range you're happy to find that there aren't many people here. You grab a CheyTac M200 Intervention and walk to a booth. You go prone and hold your breath as the targets start popping up.

This is what you love, what you were born to do. This is what you wish you could have done to the fucker that did this to your face!

Your hand starts shaking and you calm yourself down. The targets stop coming. You hit all of them!

"Ha!" you say out loud and there's a small round of applause behind you. You gasp and get to your feet quickly. Ghost and 3 other guys are standing there.  _Were they there the whole time?_

You're not good with names, but you know the fella with the mohawk is Soap.  _He's the Captain, fool! Salute!_ "Captain MacTavish, sir," you salute and he salutes back somewhat nonchalantly. "There's no need for that. At ease," he says. You smile and nod at the other men, lingering a little longer on Ghost. You wish you could at least see his eyes.

"That was fucking awesome," one of the men say. Another American....that was Roach right?

"Thanks," you say smiling, "I was almost expecting you to add 'for a woman' to that compliment."

Roach shakes his head, "Nah, it was just awesome. I probably wouldn't be able to do that well."

"That's because you can't shoot for shit, Roach," Ghost says and everyone laughs.

"The Captain is a sniper too. One of the best," Roach continues and you look at Soap. You notice the scar running from his forehead, over his left eye, to his cheek. You don't stare. You never stare because you know how horrible that feels. Subconsciously, your hand comes up and you rub your scar.

"So were you guys coming to shoot too?" you ask.

"Actually we just heard the shots and decided to see who it was," Soap answers.

"Well...surprise!" you say and he smiles.

"I was just about to run through a drill with the new guys. You should come along since you'll have to do it too," Ghost says.

"Okay. Cool." You put the rifle back and wave to the other men as you follow Ghost. You're not sure what kind of mood he's in today or at this moment so you walk behind him silently.

 

***Ghost's POV***

She was so quiet walking behind him. He didn't blame her, he could be kind of intimidating. The balaclava and shades covered his entire face. No one could ever really tell what he was thinking, so yeah...that was intimidating.

He looks back at her, "You're quiet."

"Sorry, bad habit," she says. She's walking next to him now.

"I'm pretty quiet myself," he says and she looks at him. He usually hated when people looked at him for so long, but he didn't feel angry when she looked at him. There was no pity in her eyes.

"So how did you get your name, Ghost?" she asks. He could tell that she was asking out of curiosity, she wasn't trying to dig into his personal life.

"Because I'm invisible?" he says jokingly and she laughs. It's a great sound.

"I think its a cool name. I want one," she says innocently.

"You'll get one."

"So what does the drill help us do?"

"It pretty much shows us how quick you are. How fast you can react."

"Sounds fun. Can I go first?"

Ghost looks at her. He liked her enthusiasm. "Be my guest. Pick your weapons." He watches as she chooses the M4A1.  _One of my favorites._

She chooses a sidearm and hooks a knife on her belt.  _Smart girl._

He usually gives the newbs the whole speech about how its quicker to switch to your sidearm than it is to reload, but he wants to see how she does without any help.

The gates open and she breezes through the first stage, hitting every target. 

Her primary weapon runs out of ammo and she straps it over her back and switches to her sidearm. He smiles under his balaclava. He has to watch her on the live feed now that she's inside.

She runs up the stairs unaware of the target that will pop up at the top, but she's ready. She pulls out her knife and takes the target down without flinching. If he was a man that cheered he would be right now. 

There are a few other guys watching and he overhears stuff like, "Man, she's a beast!"

"Don't fuck with her!"

And of course, "I wonder if she has a boyfriend."

Ghost just shakes his head and walks down to meet her at the end. It's completely out of character for him, but he actually claps for her as she walks out of the gates. She curtseys and laughs. "Thank you, sir."

"That was pretty fucking amazing. Not better than me but..you know.."

"Oh how flattering, sir," she says jokingly. A few other guys walk by and compliment her, giving her pats on the back and shaking her hand. She has the biggest smile on her face and its kinda cute.  _Cute? You're losing it, mate._

"What's next?" she asks.

"Well, I have to watch a few of the other newbs run through the course. You can join me if you like," he adds, "Unless you were going to do something else."

"I'm free," she says and he actually smiles. They walks upstairs and he can tell how exciting this is for her. She watches each one intently and he comments every now and then.

"Do you like doing this? I think it's pretty cool," she says.

"It's alright. Gets pretty redundant, but its easy so I don't complain." 

She nods and looks at him.  _Say something._ He looks down at his watch, "Let's get some lunch."

"Sounds good."

 

This time she doesn't seem as uncomfortable. Everyone has heard about her sniping and her nearly perfect run through the course and she was starting to get a lot of attention.

"Alright, let her fuckin eat," Soap says to the men and they disperse.  _Thank you Soap._

When he takes his sunglasses off she raises her eyebrows. "What?" Ghost asks.

"Nothing. I just don't understand why you would want to hide such nice eyes."

He looks at her silently for a minute, feeling himself getting upset for some reason, "I have my reasons," he says a little more forcefully than he wanted.

She frowns a bit, "I understand. Sorry." She starts poking at her food and then stands, "I'm gonna go to the gym. See you later?" He nods and she walks off. 

He shuts his eyes and puts his hands on his head.  _Did I say something wrong?_

 

_Don't you always?_


	3. Making Things Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghost doesn't stay mad at you for long but a surprise visitor sure gets you angry..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a little short. I'll make up for it with the next one (writing it already!)

***Your POV***

You walk out of the mess hall feeling like shit.

"Fuck," you say to yourself quietly. You hear quick footsteps behind you and Ghost calls your name. Preparing yourself to be yelled at, you turn around, "I'm really sorry Lieutenant. I overstepped a boundary."

"Look, I can be a moody bastard. I'm the one that should be apologizing and saying thank you since you did compliment me. So..I'm sorry and thank you," he says and you wish you could see if he was smiling.

You give him a small smile, "I accept your apology and you're welcome." He tries to say something else, but someone calls your name and you both turn in the direction of the voice.

A soldier approaches, "Sorry for the interruption, sir," he says to Ghost then he turns to you, "You have a visitor."

"A visitor?" The man nods and walks away. You look at Ghost, telling him to walk with you and start following the man.

A visitor? Who would be visiting me? Who knows I'm here?

The man you're following approaches a car and someone gets out.

_Holy shit! It's your boyfriend!_ "James?!" you say, shocked.

"Hey baby!" He hugs you and you can't even react. 

"Wha-what are you doing here?"

"I came to take you home."

"Take me home? What do you mean?" You look behind you quickly and there's no sign of Ghost.

"I mean I'm taking you home. I know you were just doing this to prove something, but you don't have to anymore. I can get you out of here," James says. You're dumbfounded, "Prove something? I'm doing this because I want to."

He gets close enough so only you can hear him, "Let's not make a scene, just get in the car."

You pull away from him, "No, I'm staying." He looks at you as if you've lost your mind.

"I belong here, I'm staying right here."

"Have they brainwashed you or something?"

"I've only been here for a few days..."

"Why are you being so goddamn stubborn?" His voice is louder now.

"I'm being stubborn because I'm not doing what you want me to do?" You shake you head, "Just leave, James." You start to walk away and he grabs your arm,"Get in the car!"

"NO!" You push him and he falls to the ground. "You ever think that maybe I left because I needed to get away from you?! To get away from your need to control every fucking thing I do? You didn't even believe in me..."  _Don't cry. Be strong._

He gets off the ground and looks at you. "You wanna stay here? You're gonna get yourself killed!" he says.

"Yeah, well...that's a risk I'm willing to take. Goodbye James." You walk away with your head held high.  _You don't need him._

You make it inside to one of the bathrooms before breaking down...

 

***Ghost's POV***

He walked with her to meet this mysterious visitor. When she said his name and he called her baby, he figured that 'James' was her boyfriend and he snuck off to give them some privacy...sort of.

Ghost didn't consider himself nosy, but he wanted to make sure she would be okay. 

He couldn't hear much from where he was standing, but he could read the body language and neither her or her boyfriend were very happy.

The man grabs her arm and Ghost is tempted to run out and tell him to keep his fucking hands off her. She handles it though by pushing the man to the ground. Once again he has the urge to cheer and he is not a man that cheers for anyone or anything.

They talk for a little longer and then she walks away. Ghost sees her head drop right before she enters the building.

He wants to help, but he has no idea how to deal with an upset woman.  _Do they need to be left alone? Do they need someone to talk to?_

He walks into the building looking for her. The bathroom door opens and she steps out wiping her eyes quickly.

She doesn't see him yet.

She takes a deep breath and heads right in his direction. He tries to look as though he was there by coincidence. She looks up and stops in her tracks. "Ghost? Hey," she says feigning a smile.

"Hey. Everything alright?" Her eyes fill with tears, but she says yes.

"Where did you go?" she asks.

"I assumed that man was your boyfriend and I wanted to give you some privacy." She nods, "You saw everything didn't you?"  _How the fuck did she know?_

"Yeah, I did. Loved the part where you knocked him on his arse."

She laughs and her face lights up.

The smile fades, "He wanted to take me home. He said that I didn't have to prove anything to anyone. I want to be here..." She stops and he knows she's getting upset again. "He doesn't think I'm good enough. He never did."

"But you are," Ghost says, "Everyone here knows it so what he thinks doesn't matter anymore. You've only been here a short time, but you're family now."

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Don't get used to it," he says and she laughs again. He was starting to really enjoy that sound. "Weren't you supposed to be going to the gym?" he asks and she shrugs, "I really don't feel like it anymore."

"What else do you like to do?" he asks randomly.

"I like to read...a lot. And video games. I love playing video games."

"What kinda stuff do you like to read?"

"I like graphic novels and.."

He cuts her off, "Geek." She nudges him. "Are you a reader?"

"Actually, I am," he says, "It relaxes me. Helps me escape to another world for a little while at least."

"Beautifully put."

He looks at her. She no longer tries to hide her scar when she talks to him. "What?" she asks.

"Nothing, I'm just happy that you're smiling. I don't know what to do with crying women." She rolls her eyes, "Men..." His face actually hurts from smiling so much.

 

"So what do you think your boyfriend is going to do now?"

She sighs, "My EX-boyfriend will probably go find a woman he can control every second of every day. I'm kinda happy to be rid of him. He didn't look at me the same way after..." She touches her scar.

"He's a piece of shit," Ghost says. She nods, "Yeah he is."

 

They walk in silence and then she asks, "Do you know where I can find some good books?"

"Follow me." He leads her back to his room.  _I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea._ He opens his door and walks in. She stands just outside the door watching him. "You can come in you know. I don't bite." 

She walks in and looks around. She spots his table which is covered in books. "Wow, you really are a reader."

He hands her a book, "Here. Read this."

"House of Leaves. I've heard of it. Never had the chance to read it though. Thanks."

"No problem."

She walks to the door and stops, "Thanks for today." He walks over and opens the door for her, "Anytime."

She grabs his hand and squeezes it. "Goodnight Simon." His heart skips a beat. He hated being called that, but he didn't mind when she did. He watches her walk down the hall and turn the corner before closing the door and pulling his balaclava off.

He hated looking in the mirror, but this time when he did, he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda wanted Ghost to come out and kick James' ass but I also wanted to show how bad ass you are...you go girl! Lol


	4. Are You Ready For This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Ghost grow closer, but it may be too good to be true...

***Your POV***

You still can't believe what happened today and Ghost had witnessed it all.

How dare James show up and demand that you leave with him? Who did he think he was?

 _He was this way long before today, you know that._ You try not to think about it as you brush your teeth and change your clothes for bed.

There was a silver lining in all this mess though. Ghost started opening up a bit. You found out he was a reader like you and he had great taste in books. You weren't going to push for anymore than this. Just let him open up slowly. You never knew what mood he would be in so you had to take it day by day.

You had your secrets too. You're sure they would all be pissed at you if they found out that the main reason you wanted to fight for the Task Force was so you could get your hands on Vladimir Makarov. He's the one that did this to your face and you wanted payback. It was more than your face though. He had killed too many of your friends and fellow soldiers without batting an eye.

You had him right where you wanted him, but you had gotten distracted. He wrestled you to the ground and you struggled. By the time you saw the knife it was too late. He had tried to get your throat, but you turned your head in the nick of time. 

You lived, but you had to deal with the fact that you let him slip right through your fingers.

 

You shake your head and settle into bed. You're tired but you wanted to get started on the book Ghost let you borrow.

You read until you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore. As you fall asleep you think of Ghost and it makes you smile.

 

You wake up feeling refreshed and you're surprised. The last time you slept so well was a very long time ago. You shower and come back to your room to read more.

No doubt about it, Ghost had great taste, you were absolutely hooked, so hooked that you didn't realize how hungry you were until your stomach growled. You close the book and leave to go get some food.

 

***Ghost's POV***

He didn't see her when he got to the mess hall. I mean, it wasn't like he was  _looking_ for her or anything, but it would have been nice to see her. He couldn't be having these kinds of feelings. Not here, not now.

Soap could tell he was distracted, but Ghost blamed it on not sleeping well. Truth was, he has slept better than ever.

He tried not to be obvious when he looked around, but Soap had caught on. "Who or what are you...." Soap stops and smirks, folding his arms over his chest. He leans back in his chair, "It's the new girl, isn't it?"

Ghost shrugs and continues eating.

"Alright, I won't push it, mate but if you don't make a move soon, someone else will."

Ghost stops eating and looks at Soap, "I'm not trying to make a move. It's not like that." Soap arches an eyebrow.

"Don't fucking look at me like that, Soap," he says.

"Fine. You win," Soap stands, "But just to let you know, she just walked in," he nods towards the entrance before walking away.

Without thinking, Ghost turns his head quickly in the direction of the door and spots her. Luckily, she's not looking up, she has her head down reading the book he gave her.  _How the hell can she walk and read like that?_ He smiles.

She finally closes the book to grab a tray and get some food. She's looking around for a place to sit. He doesn't want to seem eager so he just continues eating.

The next time he looks up she's sitting a few tables away. Alone. She's eating and reading, paying no attention to her surroundings. He looks away but can't help looking back in her direction. Unfortunately when he looks this time she is looking at him.  _Oh..._

She waves and he lifts his hand. 

He stands, grabs his tray and walks to the table she's sitting at. He can feel himself smiling more as he approaches and she smiles back.

Then he remembers he has his balaclava lifted so that he could eat. His smile disappears, but she's still beaming. He sits across from her. "Hey Si-Ghost. Sorry," she says.

"Morning [your name]."

"This book," she holds it up, "is great!"

"Glad you like it."

"How'd you know I'd like it."

"I didn't but I knew that if you were half as cool as me you would have good taste," he smiles. She laughs, "I think I might be a little cooler than you."

"Ha! Don't think so."

She's cracking up now and it makes him feel all light inside.  _No._

He catches her looking at his lips, but he doesn't say anything. He continues eating and she takes a few bites between turning pages of the book.

"Is that book more interesting than me?" Ghost asks. She looks up, "Could be."

"You know what, give it back," he reaches for the book and she pulls it away laughing. "Alright, alright, I'll save the book for later." She closes the book and looks at him, "How did you sleep?"

"Great actually...surprisingly."

"Yeah, me too."

Ghost wasn't a big talker, but he wouldn't mind sitting here talking to her all day. Unfortunately he had drills to run. "Soap put me in charge of drills again today...lazy arse," he says.

"Oh okay. You probably won't be done in time for lunch, but let's meet up for dinner?"

He pulls his balaclava down, "Are you asking me on a date?" She blushes, "Well, this place isn't very romantic, but if you want to call it a date then it's a date."

"I'll wear my best camos and my cleanest balaclava."

She laughs again and blushes more.

_What are you doing, mate? You've got to stop this now..._

 

***Soap's POV***

He had never seen his friend so...happy?

Ghost had always kept to himself and Soap was used to that.

Ghost hadn't really talked to him when they first met. It took him almost two weeks to say three words to Soap.

This woman had him talking in no time. Maybe they had more in common? Soap didn't know, but he liked seeing Ghost like this.

The man would just shut down at times and not even Soap could get him out of it.

 

He had looked at the girl's file and man, was her story tragic. Both of her parents were dead, no siblings. She was in the Army and was an elite sniper. The thing that had really caught his eye was that she had almost single-handedly taken down Makarov. Vladimir Makarov. The man the Task Force had been after for years. He was the one who gave her that scar. 

Soap had a feeling she was here to bring that man down and he didn't blame her. Did Ghost know about that? Should he tell him?

 

**-A FEW HOURS LATER-**

Soap had met up with Ghost while he was taking a break from drills. "How's it going today?" he asks Ghost.

"How do you think? You know I hate this shit, Soap."

"Do you ever have a good day, Simon?"

"Yes, but it never lasts." Ghost lifts his balaclava to drink some water.

"Simon, how much do you know about the new girl?" Soap asks and Ghost looks at him, "Not much. Why?"

He stays quiet for awhile and Ghost squints his eyes, hidden by his sunglasses. "What is it, John?"

"Well, I read her file."

"And?" Ghost crossed his arms now. 

"Did you know that Makarov gave her that scar? She almost took him down on her own."

Ghost stays quiet. Soap continues, "I think that's what she's here to do. She wants to get Makarov."

"We all do. That means she's here for the right reason. Why are you telling me this?"

Soap shrugs, "I just thought you'd like to know, Simon. It seems like you've taken a fancy to her."

"A fancy?  _A fuckin fancy?_ You've been watching too many romance films," Ghost shakes his head.

Soap makes a face, "So you don't like her?"

"No more than I like any of you other idiots," Ghost says and walks away.

"Right, Simon. Right."

 

***Your POV***

You brush your hair up into a ponytail before leaving and walking to meet Ghost for dinner. Your "date" as he had said.

You smile as you walk, slowing down and little so you don't seem too eager. Seeing his mouth as he smiled had stuck with you the whole day. You just wish you knew why he kept himself covered that way.  _Not tonight._ He was in a good mood, don't mess it up.

As soon as you sit down, you look at the door willing him to come in. He walks in five minutes later and you wave him over. He gets some food and sits across from you.

"Fashionably late, huh?" you joke.

Ghost nods, "Yeah..." He starts to eat and something doesn't seem right.

"Is everything okay?" you ask.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine," he answers a little too bluntly.

"Ooookay." You eat a little and look at him. You can see his eyes, but he won't actually look at you. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. I told you I could be moody."

"Well, could you at least talk to..."

He cuts you off, "You wanna tell me about that scar? And Makarov?"

It's like a punch in the gut. You gasp inaudibly and bring your hand up to touch your scar, "No. I don't." You are more angry than sad. "Does it bother you that much, Lieutenant?" He doesn't answer. "Why all this sudden fascination with my scar?"

You glare at him as Soap runs in. "We know where Makarov is! If we want to get him we gotta leave ASAP. Are you ready for this, [your name]?"

"I've been ready for this a long time, sir." Without saying a word to Ghost you get up and leave to get yourself ready.

 

_I'm not here to make friends anyway...or anything more for that matter._

 

_I'm here for one reason and one reason alone..._


	5. From Bad to Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes to Russia where things go all wrong

***Ghost's POV***

Ghost didn't know why he snapped at her the way he did.

_Yes you do. You're scared._

He tried to never get too attached to anyone because something bad always happened.

He thinks back to finding his entire family dead and how he had... _laughed._ Man, he was all kinds of fucked up and that was the main reason why he needed to keep her at a distance. 

_Enough of that._

Ghost wasn't really afraid that she would die or anything, but he wanted to be on the safe side. He'd get attached and then he'd lose her in one way or another. No attachments equal less pain.

She made sure she stayed as far away as possible from him on the helicopter. When they landed, Soap split them into teams of two. He knew who Soap would stick him with so he gave no reaction when he heard his name along with hers.

They kept in contact with the other team over their headsets.

 

It was quiet and cold. Extremely cold, but the blowing snow gave them the perfect cover as they approached their positions. They ran into a group of 3 men and were able to take them down quietly. He watched as she took the last man out by cutting his throat. Her mouth was covered by her face mask, but he saw the dead look in her eyes when she stood up and wiped the blood off her knife.  _She's done this before._

Ghost says a few things to her here and there, but she never responds. The only time he hears her speak is when she's talking over the radio to the other men.

They are walking on a rise when Ghost spots a shack surrounded by a few men.

"I'm gonna head down there. You stay here and cover me with sniper fire," he says. She doesn't speak, but he sees her nod slightly. She gets into a prone position and he heads for the small building.

The three men standing guard in front of the shack drop dead one by one and Ghost stops in his tracks. He looks back and though he can't really see her, he knows that was her work.

He hears footsteps in the snow and pulls his knife out. 

Roach comes from around the corner. "Shit, Roach! I could've killed you, mate!" he says

"Sorry."

"Are the other men taken care of?"

"Yeah, one of the bastards almost got me though."

Ghost radios to Soap that they can breach now. Soap tells everyone to rendezvous at the shack.

 

***Your POV***

You had taken those 3 men down before Ghost could even reach them. You smiled to yourself because you know you probably scared the shit out of him.

Ghost's voice comes through your headset, the Soap's. You stand and walk towards the shack to meet up with everyone else.

Ghost looks at you as you approach. When you get close enough you hear him say, "Thank you." You nod and walk to Soap.

"Roach will put the charge on the door and we'll all stack up. We have to be fast. We don't know who or what is behind that door."

"Sir," you say and stand on the left side of the door. Roach sets the charge and as it explodes you bring yourself to the entrance, sidearm drawn. There are only two men and one is aiming at you. You fire off one shot and it hits him right in the head. Soap takes down the other guy but doesn't kill him. "Where is Makarov?" he asks. The man says something in Russian and Soap breaks his arm. "Where is he?!" His accent seemed to get stronger as he got angrier.

"I don't know," the man responds in broken English, "We were told to come here, but not by Makarov."

Soap looks at the man for a long time, "He really doesn't know." He sits him in a chair and grabs a rope that was hanging on the wall, "Ghost, tie him up."

"Aye, sir." You watch as Ghost ties him up in a way that he'll never escape. "Where the hell could he be?" Ghost asks.

"I don't know, but we'll find him," Soap says. You hope he's right. You wanted to find this man. You  _needed_ to find this man.

You look out the window and you see headlights approaching. "Guys?" They all look at you and then out the window.

"Get down!" Soap whispers. You squat down with the rest of the men. You're nervous and scared and excited all at once.

The truck stops in front of the shack. You hear the door slam and a few different footsteps in the snow. You look around at the men. Roach puts his finger to his lips and walks in a crouch towards what used to be the door.

Whoever it was had to have seen those bodies.  _They know we're here._

Suddenly, the glass in the window shatters and something comes flying through it.

"Smoke grenade!" Ghost shouts and you try to hold your breath as best as you can as it empties smoke into the small space.

You hear a bunch of footsteps inside now. You don't know how many men, but you have to do something. Worm goes down, but you can't do anything about it now 

A fist crashes into your stomach and the your face and you fight back until Ghost stabs the man from behind. You fall to the floor trying to catch your breath after having the wind knocked from you. The gunfire stops and you can see clearly now. You look over to where you saw Worm fall.  _He's dead._

Something rolls across the floor. "Flashbang!" you shout and try to cover your eyes and ears as best as you can.

 

You can't hear. You can hardly see, but you try to stay focused. Someone grabs you roughly and makes you stand up.

Ghost's vision must have been the clearest because he grabs a pistol on the floor and aims it at whoever is holding you. Soap follows suit.

"I don't think so, gentlemen," the man yanks your mask off and you feel cold metal against your temple. "Put the weapons down or she dies."

Your blood runs cold. That voice. It's  _him._ Makarov.

You watch as Soap lowers his weapon and then reaches over to Ghost to push his arms down. His shades were probably lost somewhere during the fight so you're able to look right into his eyes. He's angry. You nod to both of the men, "I'll be okay," you say. 

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Makarov says as he pulls you out of the shack and throws you in the snow. Two other men pull you up so you're standing and remove all of your weapons then bind your hands behind you. They throw you in the truck and get in, sitting on either side of you.

Makarov looks back at you from the passenger seat, "Do you remember me?"

You nod.

"I remember you too. I can't forget such a...lovely face," he smiles.

"Fuck you," you say.

"I have other plans," he says before something hard comes crashing into your head and your world goes black.

 

***Ghost's POV***

He gets up and stumbles to the door as the truck pulls off. He tries to chase it, but there's no use.

"FUCK!!!" he shouts. Defeated, he walks back to the shack where Soap is checking Worm. Ghost looks at him and Soap shakes his head.

"Makarov has her," Ghost says.

"I know. We'll get her back. She's a strong girl," Soap tries to reassure him.

"He could be killing her right now!" he shouts.

"I don't think so. If he wanted to kill her he could have done it right here in front of us."

Ghost doesn't know what to with himself.  _Sorry I was so fucking mean to you. I'm sorry. I'm gonna save you. I swear._ He knew that her main goal was to kill Makarov and if she died while doing it, she didn't care. But he did. God, did he care. He couldn't even stand to see how Makarov's arm was wrapped around her. He had to die, but before he kill him he had to get her.

Where did they go? How were they even going to find her? Then he remembered the men he had tied up. Ghost looks at Soap and he nods.

The man in the chair had been shot during all the madness and was losing blood fast. Ghost had to get all the information he could before the man bled out. He kneels in front of him, "Where is he taking her?"

"Who?" Ghost punches him and the man groans.

"Where is he going?!" Ghost has to move closer to hear him clearly.

"The gulag...the...Petropavlovsk..." Ghost looks at him. He's dead.

"Soap, do you know anything about a gulag?" Soap nods, "Petropavlovsk Gulag."

"That's where we have to go."

He was no knight in shining armor, but there was someone who needed to be rescued and he wasn't going to let her down.


	6. I've Got You Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys make it to the gulag, but is it too late?

**-YOUR POV-**

Where were you?

 

When you came to, you were tied to a chair and Makarov was sitting in front of you. He was talking about the time you had tried to kill him and then you felt a horrible pain. He was sending electric shocks through your body. You screamed in pain and the asshole smiled. He was enjoying this.

"I never forget a face especially when it belongs to someone that has tried to kill me," Makarov says. He shocks you again and you cry out.

"I know you're thinking why won't I just kill you. You see, that would be too easy," he says.  _Show him that you can be strong. Don't let him break you._

You look him right in the eye, "Before I die, I will kill you." His expression changes just a bit then he smiles again, "I don't think so." Another shock. This time you bite your lip until it bleeds.

"By the time your friends come for you, you'll wish you were dead." You look into his mismatched eyes one more time as he shocks you again.

You scream until you black out.

 

When you wake up this time you're standing with your hands tied up above your head to something hanging from the ceiling.

You've been stripped down to your panties. You're so exposed. You want to cover yourself, but you can't.

 

What is this place? It looks like some kind of dungeon.

 

You feel like crying but you refuse to.

Your body hurts. You want to sleep. You want to see a familiar face.  _Think of Ghost. Think of Soap._ When you think of Ghost it brings tears to your eyes.  _Don't cry!_ It wasn't because he was a total jerk to you before you came to Russia, it was that look in his eyes as Soap made him lower his gun. That look of being totally helpless.  _It's not your fault, Simon._ _  
_

A door creaks open behind you and you tense up.

"Hello miliy. Did you miss me?" Makarov comes into your line of sight and you glare at him. He looks down at your breasts and you can do nothing about it.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" you say.

"I don't think you have any say in what I do to you," Makarov says smugly. He runs his hand down your body and you close your eyes. When you open them again you notice he has a switch in one of his hands.

He walks around you once and you follow him with your eyes. He comes up behind you and pulls your hair. "I'm probably going to enjoy this more than you."

There's a moment of silence then he brings the switch across your back hard. Your legs buckle and you groan.

"Are you not going to scream for me, miliy?" He's in front of you again.

"Fuck...you...," you manage to say. He slaps you and you taste blood. Your face already hurts from when you were punched before.

"You will scream," Makarov says angrily and he walks behind you again. He brings the switch across your back again even harder and you see stars. "Scream!" he shouts as he hits you again.

You feel like you're going to lose consciousness, but every time he hits you it jolts you awake. He hits you over and over again, leaving you no time to recover after each hit.

You can't take it anymore. You finally scream, tears streaming down your face.

Makarov stands in front of you and drops the switch. He's sweaty and breathing hard. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

You whimper. "Don't cry, I'll make it better."

He looks at your body again and you feel his hands at your waist. "No," you say, "Please." Makarov pulls your panties down and the cold air hits the newly exposed areas of your body. You really start crying now.

He unbuckles his belt and you close your eyes tightly.

_I'm not here. This isn't happening..._

 

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost was tired, so tired. He wasn't going to stop though.

He had no idea where they were going, but he followed Soap. Every time Soap suggested they stop and take a break Ghost refused. "We can't go all night, Simon."

"Why can't we?!"

Soap sighed, "We need our energy. We won't be able to just waltz right into the building. The place is probably surrounded by men. Makarov is an evil bastard, but he's smart."

Ghost looks at him and Soap continues, "I've called for reinforcements. They should be here in a few hours."

"A few hours?! Do you know what he can have done to her in a few hours?!" Ghost feels like he's losing his mind. He finally sits, his back against a tree. "If she dies...that's just another person I would have let down," he says quietly.

It wasn't snowing anymore and everything was eerily quiet. Ghost is looking down but he knows Soap is looking at him. "I have no family left. I am nothing. I have nothing, but this. The Task Force, you all are my family now. If I lose people here too...then what's the point?"

"You say that you're nothing, but you are. If you weren't you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be fighting so hard for her. I can't promise you that bad things won't happen, but I can promise, I  _swear_ that we will get her out of there...alive," Soap says.

Ghost is quiet for awhile and Soap asks, "Are you okay?" He looks at Soap, "I'm scared..."

 

***A FEW HOURS LATER***

He must have fallen asleep. Soap is shaking him awake and he hears a helicopter. He blinks a few times and Soap says, "Price has just arrived with a warbird and reinforcements. Let's go."

Ghost stands quickly and heads towards the helicopter with Soap.

When they climb in Captain Price briefs them right away. "We sent a few troops ahead and we've already received word that they're taking heavy fire," Price says.

"Are we sure that Makarov is holed up there?" Ghost asks. 

"We can never be 100% sure of anything, but when it comes to one of our own we take all the necessary steps," Price says and Ghost nods. He's a nervous wreck, but he tries to hide it. It helps that no one can ever really see his face.  _Please let her be alive._

All Ghost can think about on the way there is her. How he had treated her like shit before they left. The nod she gave him before Makarov tossed her out into the snow.  _I'm sorry._

He completely lost track of time until Price shouts his name, "Move your ass!"

Ghost jumps out of the helicopter shooting as he runs. He does not want to get pinned down. "Grenade!" someone shouts and Ghost runs out of the way.  _Focus or you'll never get to her!_

The men that got here before Ghost, Soap and Price had taken care of the biggest threats so getting into the gulag didn't take too long. Now that they were inside, they had to figure out exactly where Makarov was hiding her.

Ghost wanted to kill Makarov, but his first priority was [your name].

This place was huge. Even if they all split up it would take them all day.  _Use your head!_

Makarov was too smart to keep her in one of the upper level cells, those were too easy to get to. He would have her hidden on a lower level that is harder to access. Underground maybe.

His suspicions are confirmed when the three of them head down a set of stairs and are met with heavy resistance.  _She has to be down here. He wouldn't waste so much manpower for nothing._

Ghost doesn't know how many men were there or how many he killed he just knew he had to get through.

Price and Soap are in front of him and they were all checking every cell they passed. Soap freezes at the entrance of one of the cells and Ghost's stomach drops. "What?" he asks nervously. He walks over and in the cell is a pile of clothes,  _her clothes._ "No," he says quietly.

Walking into the cell made him feel sick. He squats down to look at the clothes. There's blood on them and they're torn which means they weren't removed gently. Something falls to the ground when he lifts the shirt. Her dogtags. He picks them up and holds them in his fist.

"Ghost?"

"Let's go," Ghost chokes out, emotion straining his voice.

They walk a little further and turn the corner. One last cell with the door slightly open. This one seemed bigger than all the rest, more ominous. Ghost approaches it, praying that she's in there.

"Careful Ghost," Price says.

He uses his foot to push the door open more. He brings his weapon up quickly. A light shines behind him and he looks back. "Just me," Soap says. Suddenly, they hear a groan coming from the corner of the room. They all aim their guns in that direction and Soap shines his light. 

"Bloody hell."

"Shit." Soap and Price say at the same time behind him.

Ghost can say nothing. What he sees makes him want to scream. It makes him want to cry. It makes him want to kill someone.

She's curled up in a fetal position, her back to them. Her back in covered with deep, bleeding cuts. She's...naked.

As he walks closer, he hears her whimpering, "No more, please. No." It breaks his heart. He kneels down and touches her arm gently. "[your name]?" She flinches and starts shaking. "P-p-please..." she says.

Now that he's close enough he can see that she has marks almost everywhere. Her thighs, her arms, her....

"It's me. It's Ghost," he says gently. He pulls his jacket off and covers her with it. "G-Ghost?" she says as she lifts her hand to touch him. Before she can, she passes out.

"Let's get her the hell out of here," Price says.

"Do you want me to carry her or..." Soap says. "I got her," Ghost answers. Soap removes his jacket as well to cover her up some more.

As Ghost lifts her she groans and nestles her head into his chest.

"I've got you now. He won't hurt you ever again," he whispers to her.

 

 


	7. Weak and Vulnerable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on base and in the hospital, you have to adjust to what has happened to you. Ghost is not going to let you do this alone.

***Ghost's POV***

The ride back was tortuous. She was constantly in and out of consciousness. She woke up screaming at times and at other times she was so quiet, so still that Ghost had to make sure she was still alive.  _What did he do to you?_

He had wrapped her in blankets as soon as they got on the plane. They had tried to put clothes on her, but she would thrash and scream every time they went to touch her. Price had suggested stopping somewhere in Russia for help since they were already there, but Ghost refused. He wanted to get her as far away from that place as possible.

He wanted to ask the pilot if he could fly any faster, but he stopped himself. They had already indulged him by letting them use the plane instead of the helicopter.

 

The other men were sleeping, he stayed awake. Even when he felt himself nodding off he would look at her and find a reason to stay awake.

"Ghost," he heard her whisper. He grabbed her hand, "I'm here."

She squeezed his hand lightly then she was sleeping again.

**-A FEW HOURS LATER-**

When they landed, she was taken to the hospital right away. The doctor would not let him in the room while they checked her over and treated her wounds.

Soap suggested that he go get some rest. "No. I'm not tired," Ghost had told him. There was no way he was leaving her now. How the hell could he possibly sleep with all this going on anyway?

He wanted to be there when the doctor came out. He wanted to know what had been done to her.

_Do I really want to know?_

Ghost has his head down when the doctor walks out. The doctor clears his throat and Ghost stands quickly, "So?"

The doctor sighs, looking nervous and uncomfortable.

"What is it?"

"We were able to patch up the wounds on her back. The burns will have to heal on their own."

"What was done to her?" Ghost asks.

"The wounds on her back are consistent with being hit with a switch," the doctor answers. Ghost wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore, but he had to know. "And the burns?"

"She was shocked...repeatedly."

Ghost is seeing red now.

"There's something else. Something that I can't fix with pain medication or gauze..." the doctor says nervously when he sees the way Ghost reacts. He just looks at the doctor without saying anything.

"She was...sexually abused."

"What?" His heart drops. He heard the doctor, he just couldn't process what was just said.

"She was raped, Lieutenant."

Ghost sits down before his legs give out on him. "Is she going to be okay?"

"The wounds will heal, for sure, but only time will tell how she'll deal with being tortured and...abused. PTSD is definitely expected."

"How is she now?" Ghost asks.

"I gave her a sedative so she's resting, but she should be waking up soon. When she does wake up you should be there. She's going to need to see a familiar...face or something like that." The doctor walks away and Ghost lingers outside her room.  _You have to go in sooner or later, just do it._

He opens the door and walks in slowly. 

She looks so peaceful. He wondered how peaceful she was going to be when she finally woke up. Sitting in the chair a few feet away from her bed, he starts talking to her even if she can't hear him. "I'm sorry I was such an asshole..." Ghost sighs, "I should have gotten there sooner. I could have stopped him..." 

He wasn't looking at her as he talked so he didn't notice that she was awake and listening to everything he said.

"Simon.." he hears and he stands up quickly.

"You're awake," Ghost smiles under his balaclava.

"Is that what you were waiting for?"

"Yes, I was." He takes his sunglasses off.

"There you are," she says sleepily but with a smile.  _She seems to be okay._

He can see her trying to turn on her side, but she's too weak. "You shouldn't be trying to move," Ghost says sternly. "My back hurts. I just want to turn on my side." He thinks back to how they found her. Those cuts on her back were awful... He walks over to her, takes her hands and pulls gently. It took a lot out of her, she was breathing heavily.

"Thank you, Ghost."

"Anytime."

She's quiet for a time then she says, "I heard what you said about not getting to me in time. Don't put that kind of stress on yourself. You guys found me, you saved my life, that's what matters. I'm eternally grateful."

"I thought you were dead."

"But I'm not, thanks to you."

"I should have shot him before he took you..."

"Ghost, I'm here. We're not there anymore. It's over." Ghost had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.  _It's not really over for her is it? She's probably going to suffer for the rest of her life._

"You should go eat and get some rest. I'm not going anywhere," she says, "Do it for me. You need it."

"Fine. Are you gonna be ok? Do you need anything?"

"I'll be fine. With the drugs they're giving me I'll probably just sleep most of the time. Go Simon. Visit me when you get the chance."

He puts his sunglasses back on, "I'll bring you some food or something. You won't want the shit they serve here."  _Trying to find any reason to come back, huh?_

"I appreciate it," she smiles and he can't help but smile as well. "I'll see you soon," he says as he walks to the door.

"Thank you, Simon."

 

***Your POV***

You hated having people fuss over you, but you couldn't do anything about it. This was the beauty of being in the hospital.

When you woke up and heard Ghost's voice, his accent, it made you feel so good, but you didn't like what he was saying. You didn't want him blaming himself for any of this. He was so protective of you.

Did you really want him to leave? Of course not. You didn't want to be alone at all, but it was unfair to have him just sit there.

The silence in the room was driving you crazy. You curl up and try to think of good things.

You eventually drift off and you dream. It's dark and cold and damp. The only sound you hear is your breathing. Looking around you recognize where you are. You're back in that dungeon, but you're not chained. There is no door, no escape.

Suddenly, Makarov is with you, speaking in his nearly perfect English. "What is wrong? Did I hurt you? Let me make it better," he says. You try to scream but no sound comes out. He throws you to the floor and then he's on top of you. You try everything to get him off but you're so weak.  _Someone help me, please!_

You try to call for Ghost, still no sound. You kick and punch and suddenly someone's hand is on your shoulder. You hear your name and they're shaking you. You wake up screaming and punching, accidentally attacking the doctor. "Don't touch me!"

The doctor calls for help and now people are holding you down. "Don't hurt me," you say as you feel a pinch on your arm.

"You're alright," a gentle voice says. It's not Makarov's voice, thank God. Your vision gets blurry and you're sleepy now. You try to fight it, but soon you're overcome and fall into a dreamless sleep.

 

When you wake up, its dark and you don't like it.  _Calm down. You're okay. You're safe._

The door opens and you gasp. The light comes on, its Ghost. You exhale in relief.

"Do you know how bloody hard is was for me to get this to you?"

You laugh and sit up a little. "You didn't have to, but thank you very much."

"I didn't know what you would want so I got a bit of almost everything."

"No one noticed you trying to balance two trays of food?" you say shocked.

"Why do you think they call me Ghost?" he says and you laugh again.

"Are you going to eat too?" He shrugs, "Yeah why not?" He puts one try on your lap and he sits down in the chair with the other tray. You nibble on some french fries, "Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

"You can come closer you know." You can see him tense up, but he moves the chair closer anyway. He just sits there. "Are you going to eat? You must be hungry, you always are," you joke.

"It's hard to eat when I'm so worried about you," he says and you stop eating. He takes his sunglasses off and looks at you. You two look at each other for a long time and then he lifts his hand to move his balaclava so he can eat...or so you thought. He pulls the balaclava over his mouth then over his nose then...completely off.

That wasn't Ghost sitting in the room with you anymore, it was Simon Riley and yes, he was handsome. "So...I think it's only fair that you get to see me like...this. I've seen you at your weakest, at your most vulnerable and now here I am."

Your eyes fill with tears, "You don't look weak to me, Simon. Handsome but not weak."

He gives you a small smile and runs his hand through his brown hair nervously. "I want you to know that I'm going to kill him, but I'm going to make him suffer first." The anger in his voice is intimidating. "Good," you say, "as long as I can help."

"Deal."

"Cool, now let's eat."

 

You two eat and talk. You love seeing his face, how he smiles, how his brow furrows.

"I think I should head out now, let you get some rest. My accent isn't exactly relaxing."

You smile, "You don't know that. I actually like it." It looks like he blushes, but he puts his balaclava back on before you can see it well enough.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot.." He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a book. It's  _House of Leaves._ "Thought you might need something to do."

"How did you...?"

"Always keep more than one copy of a really good book," he answers.

"Thank you so much, Simon."

"You're welcome, [your name]. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," you say and he looks back one more time before leaving.

You run your hand over the book then open it trying to remember where you were. You read until you start dozing off. The book is tucked safely under your pillow and you fall asleep thinking of a certain man with brown hair and hazel eyes...


	8. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Ghost experience a different type of connection..

_What the fuck did I just do?_

_She called you handsome, calm down._

Ghost couldn't believe he just did that. He felt like he pretty much stripped down in front of her. Being hidden made him feel strong, it made him feel safe. Taking it off made him think of the past and he hated that. He hated feeling weak.

_She told me I didn't look weak._

When he thinks back to it, he didn't necessarily feel weak in that moment. She didn't look at him with sympathy or sadness, she smiled at him. She made him smile even if he didn't want to.

Ghost was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps approaching. "Ghost!" a familiar voice calls.

"Soap," he says without stopping.

"How is she?" Soap asks.

"What makes you think I would know?"

Soap scoffs, "I'm not stupid. The only reason you'd be out here at this time is to smoke and I don't see or smell a cigarette. So the only other possible explanation is, well, her." Ghost could never lie to his Captain. "Plus I saw you carrying those trays of food and not even you could finish all that food."

"Are you stalking me now, MacTavish?" Ghost says for lack of anything else to say.

"I'm just making sure you're okay. Is that a problem?"

"No, but...don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Wouldn't think of it. Now, how is she?" Soap asks again.

"She's doing well for what she's been through, but the doctor says she'll suffer from PTSD." Soap shakes his head, "Shit. What the hell did Makarov do to her?"

Ghost stops walking, "He tortured her and..."

"And what?"

He gives Soap a look. "Fucking hell," Soap says knowingly.

"Yeah, I don't know if she'll ever really be okay." Ghost continues walking and Soap walks in silence next to him. "I'm gonna go get some rest. I need it," Ghost says.

"Right. You really like her don't you, Simon?" Soap asks.

"I just...I don't feel like I have to hide who I am around her. It's something new for me."

"Maybe you're in love," Soap jokes.

"Fuck off, MacTavish," Ghost walks inside and to his room. When he gets to his room he pulls his glasses and balaclava off and looks in the mirror. "Handsome?" he questions himself quietly. He runs his hand over his face.  _I've never been called handsome before._

Now that she's seen him she's probably wondering why he keeps himself covered. No disfiguring scars or anything... _if only she knew._ They had more in common than she thought especially when it came to the torture. He had been tortured, drugged, brainwashed and buried alive. How he made it this far he had no idea.

Ghost did not consider himself a good person, but he felt good around her. When he was around her he didn't think of bad things that had happened to him, no, he was way too busy being worried about her. But he didn't love her, did he? There was no way, it was too soon. Besides, a woman like that didn't go for guys like him.

Ghost looked at himself in the mirror again. She liked spending time with him, but it could just be that she feels bad for him.  _Why do you always have to think the worst of everyone?_

He didn't want to get hurt. He had enough of that for a lifetime.

Undressing for bed he looks down at his body. It was awful. Scars upon scars.  _If she could see this she wouldn't think I was so handsome..._

Everyone had scars, some people are just better at hiding them. His physical scars were easily covered by his clothes, but those weren't the scars that kept him up every night. The mental scars, from his father, from being tortured, would never go away. This made him worry even more for her. What was done to her would always be at the back of her mind. The memories would pop up at the most inopportune times, he knew this from experience.  _So if you know, help her. She's going to need help._

Ghost didn't feel that he would be a good help. After all, he knew nothing about her and she knew nothing about him. Why should she trust him?  _Just offer to help. You may be surprised._

As he settles into bed he thinks of her smile, her laugh. How gentle her voice was compared to his harsh, cockney-like accent.

He was his own biggest critic. She hadn't said one bad thing about him, but he always found something wrong.

He needed to stop thinking and get to sleep.

 

Ghost dreamt of how his father had brought a snake home one night and practically tortured him with it. His mom had tried to protect him, but his father was a drunk, a drug addict, he didn't care.

Then his dream skipped ahead to the time his father had taken him to see this punk band in some old ratty club. His father complained the entire time about how the music was horrible these days and blah, blah, blah. Ghost was only a little boy and he did what his father wanted him to do.

When his dad had left him to go to the bathroom, he was afraid of being alone so he followed. He heard strange sounds in the bathroom, a woman's voice. When he walked in there was blood all over the floor of one of the stalls and that's the one his father walked out of. 

His dad made him stare at the dead woman on the toilet. Blood pouring from her neck and a needle still stuck in her arm. "She was only a whore," his father had told him then he started to laugh. Ghost didn't know what to do at first, but then he started laughing and laughing until he couldn't control it. He laughed at the dead woman.

Ghost wakes up in a cold sweat, trembling.  _I'm all kinds of fucked up. So. Fucked. Up._ He lay awake for the rest of the night, not wanting to deal with the nightmares anymore.

 

Although he didn't get much sleep, Ghost felt good. He got up and took a shower and brushed his teeth, planning on going to see [your name] a little later.

When he went to get breakfast of course all the guys were waiting for him. Ghost hoped that Soap didn't tell them anything.  _I'll kill him..._

He approaches the table and they all greet him. Nothing seems out of the ordinary.  _Good._ Ghost eats in silence.

"You're quiet this morning," Soap says.

"I'm always quiet."

Soap smirks and Ghost wants to kick him.

He finishes eating quickly and heads to the hospital. When he walks in, her doctor is in the lobby talking to a nurse. He sees Ghost and...something doesn't seem right. The doctor walks over to him, "She didn't have a great night."

Ghost's heart drops, "What do you mean?"

"She had a night terror. She woke up from a nap screaming yesterday, but this night terror was much worse."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes, but we had to give her something to calm her down. It's just starting to wear off now."

"Can I see her?" Ghost asks.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, she called out for you during her dream."  _Why me?_ The doctor walks with him to her room. "She needs you. She needs a good support system and you may be it," the doctor says before walking away.

When he walks in, her eyes open and she gives him a small smile. She looks so tired, he doesn't like it. "Hi there," she says and even her voice sounds different. "I guess the doctor told you. I think I'm officially crazy now."

"Stop that," Ghost says, "You're not crazy."

"Ghost?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you hug me, please?" She sounds so small like a child, so helpless. He looks at her and she at him, tears in her eyes.

Ghost was not a touchy feely person. He didn't do hugs and kisses, but he was drawn to her. He walks over to her slowly and she reaches out to him. Her arms wrap around him and he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His eyes close and he holds on to her.

Ghost can feel her body shaking probably from crying. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, but this hug was putting his emotions through the gauntlet. "It's okay...shhhhh," he says to her while rubbing her back. She let's go and he feels empty again.

"Am I crazy?" She asks. Ghost takes off his sunglasses so he can look her right in the eyes, "There is nothing wrong with you, you hear me? Nothing. You're not crazy." He hesitates but lifts his hands to cup her face, using his thumbs to wipe her tears. She closes her eyes to his touch. 

He looks down at her lips. It's tempting. He's so close..he could do it.  _I can't. It's like taking advantage of her._

Before he can pull away, she gives him a quick kiss. The balaclava is in the way, but he still felt the soft press of her lips on his. He moves back a little. "I'm sorry," she says.

It had been awhile since he had been kissed and he'd be lying if he said he didn't want more. He just didn't want it like this. "Don't be sorry. That's the first kiss I've gotten in a very long time." She smiles, "Yeah, but it wasn't a proper kiss."

"It was perfect for me," Ghost says and her face lights up. He's looking at her again. He had to get out of there before he got himself in trouble. "I've got to go do a few things, but I'll come back and see you around dinner time again. Is that good for you?"

"It's a date," she says with a smile.

He touches her face lightly before leaving.  _Maybe Soap was right after all..._ Ghost didn't want to think of that right now, but he knew the feeling of her arms around him and that soft press of  her lips would be on his mind all day.

He touches his lips through his balaclava and smiles


	9. Did That Just Happen?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your 'date' with Ghost goes very well..

**Your POV**

_I kissed him. I really kissed him._

You didn't  _really_ kiss him, but whatever.

He left right after...did I mess up?

You had to stop overthinking this, he was coming back later obviously everything was okay.

 

You were ready to get out of the hospital. Physically you were fine, but the doctor was worried about your mental health. Sleep did not come easily and when it did the night terrors came along with it. Every night you were there you woke up screaming and kicking even attacking the doctor and nurses at times.

You were afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, afraid of  _everything._ The only time you felt safe was when Ghost was around. It made you smile just thinking about him...and he was coming back later. You get out of the bed and walk to the bathroom. Moving was getting a lot easier since your back was healing, but you felt pain every now and then. You look in the mirror and sigh, "I look horrible."

Is this what Ghost saw when he came to see you?  _Good Lord..._

The nurse bursts into the bathroom looking for you, "You're supposed to buzz for someone when you need to get up," she says panicking. 

"Where the hell do you think I'm gonna go?" 

The nurse gives you a look, "The doctor ordered it." This is so frustrating, "Look, if I ever feel like I want to kill myself or something I'll be sure to let someone know, but right now I need a shower and some privacy." You roll your eyes when the nurse doesn't leave.

"You can take a shower, but I'll have to be outside the door."

You stomp past the nurse, "Fine." Why won't these people understand that you can do things on your own. You were fine...weren't you?

Luckily no one was in the showers when you got there. "I can really do this on my own. I'm not a child."

"Mmhmm," the nurse replies.

You undress and start the shower, it feels amazing. You wash your body and your hair. When you close your eyes you see Makarov and gasp, almost slipping. "Everything okay in there?"

"Y-yeah."  _As long as I don't close my eyes again._

You turn the shower off and dry your body, looking in the mirror.  _Much better, not perfect, but better._

A t-shirt and sweatpants were not things you would wear on a typical date, but this was all you had for now. Ghost obviously didn't care what you looked like, but you were a woman and you worried about these kinds of things.

When you get back to your room the doctor is waiting. "We need to change the dressing on your back."

"Ugh, okay." You sit down and pull your shirt off, your back towards the doctor. You flinch a little as hell pulls the old bandages off. "It's looking much better."

"Yeah, I just wish it felt better."

The doctor finishes and then you're alone in the room. You really couldn't wait to see Ghost again. Glancing at the clock you notice that you have awhile to wait.  _Just have to wait til dinner time._

You buzz for the nurse and she comes in right away. "I want to go for a walk. I'm getting tired of this room."

 

**Ghost's POV**

He thought about her while he trained. He thought about her while he worked out. He would look at or hear something and he would think of her. What the hell was wrong with him? Did one little non-kiss do this to him? It had been awhile since he's even been this close to a woman, but it was no excuse for him to act like a lovesick teenager.

Ghost told her he would come back around dinner time, but he was tempted to go see her now.  _Control yourself._

During lunch, Soap kept looking at him, but he didn't ask any questions. He wasn't acting  _that_ different was he?

He wondered what she was doing right now. Did she sleep alright? Was she thinking about him?  _Bloody hell, Simon, you're turning into a sap._

Ghost was enjoying a cigarette when his Captain finally came to question him. Soap lights a cigarette, "So," he says.

"So," Ghost says.

"Anything you want to tell me, Simon?"

"Why do you think I'd have something to tell you?"

"I don't know. I guess you're just a bit different today, that's all."

"Different how?" Ghost tries to sound indifferent.

"You haven't complained at all for one and during lunch you were much more talkative...and you  _laughed,_ " Soap says looking at Ghost sideways.

"I'm just in a good mood today. I'm allowed that aren't I?"

"Of course you are, but there's something more to it." Soap could really be a nosy bastard at times.

Ghost gives up trying to hide anything from him. "I went to see her okay?"

"That's obvious." Soap says

"We, well she...kissed me," Ghost says avoiding eye contact. He was so happy his face was covered. Soap takes a deep breath and starts coughing. "Shut up," Ghost demands.

"Simon... _you_ kissed someone?" Soap asks shocked. "I told you,  _she_ kissed  _me._ Besides, my balaclava was down so it wasn't like a real kiss or anything."

"Why were you that close to her in the first place?"

"She asked for a hug. She sounded sad, helpless. I couldn't say no," Ghost thinks back to this morning. "It was probably just a spur of the moment thing. It won't happen again," he says feeling sad.

"Jesus man, why is it so hard to believe that she may actually  _like_ you?", Soap asks. "There are people here that like you, Simon, believe it or not."

Ghost shrugs, "I'm not good for her."

"You gotta let her decide that for herself. Don't push her away before she gets a chance to decide," Soap says. Ghost shakes his head, "Are you secretly a therapist or something?"

Soap laughs, "No, but I should look in it. Better pay, much safer," he smile and Ghost laughs. He finishes his cigarette and goes to walk away. "Simon, make sure you take a shower before you see her tonight. You smell like sweat and cigarettes."

"How the hell...?"

"I just know these things, Simon." Soap pats him on the shoulder before walking away.

He does exactly what his Captain tells him, he even washes his hair. He reads to pass the time which seems to be going at a snail's pace. 

As the sun starts to set, he finds himself getting nervous. _What are you getting nervous for? Just get the food and bring it to her like you did last time._

"Right," he says to himself as he goes to the mess hall. No one questions why he has two trays of food this time and he gets out of there fast, he didn't want to keep her waiting.

 

**Your POV**

You checked yourself in the mirror for the hundredth time, still hating the t-shirt and sweats, but what could you do?

It was around 7, the same time Ghost had come last time. You got back on your bed sitting with your legs crossed and twiddling your thumbs.  _Stop, you look like a child._ As soon as you stop there's a knock on the door. 

"Yes?" you say and your nurse pokes her head in, "You have a visitor." You smile, "Okay, you can send him in." A few seconds later, Ghost walks in balancing two trays again. He sees you getting off the bed to help him, "No, you stay there. I'm good." You sigh, "I can walk, you know, I'm not in that much pain anymore."

"Yeah, but I don't want to risk anything." You smile. He really was a sweetheart. He puts the trays down and you see pizza. "Pizza! My favorite!" you exclaim.

"Really? That's good." Ghost sounds so relieved. It's cute.

"Do I get another hug?" you ask standing. "You can get whatever you like," he says and you blush.

"I-I'm sorry. I meant..." he stammers. You laugh, "It's okay, I understand." You walk over to him and wrap your arms around him. He always seems to tense up when it comes to contact, but you finally feel him relax when he wraps his arms around you. You breathe him in.  _God, he smells good._ How long have you been holding him? Oh no...You let go.

"Sorry about that."

"Don't be. It was nice," he says. He passes you a tray and sits in the chair. You sit up on the bed and start eating your pizza. Ghost pulls his shades and balaclava off and you find yourself staring. He looks at you and you look down at your pizza quickly. "This pizza is  _really_ good," you say picking off the pepperoni.

"You don't like pepperoni?" he asks.

"I do, but I have to be in the mood for it."

"Give it here." You hold out your plate to him and he takes the pepperoni, popping one into his mouth. You're watching him again. He licks his lips and you blush. Suddenly, its too hot and you're thirsty so you buzz the nurse. She pops her head in. "Can I have some water please?" She leaves and comes back with a pitcher of water and two cups. "Thank you."

The nurse leaves and you're alone with him again. You pour yourself some water and drink it quickly. "Are you thirsty?" you ask Ghost. You pour him some water and when you pass him the cup your fingers touch briefly, sending all kinds of sensations through you.  _Get yourself together._

You finish your pizza and drink some more water.  _Look at you getting all flustered and he barely touched you._ He stands up and throws the trash away then he takes his jacket off.  _For the love of..._

He sits back down. "So how was your day? What did you do?"

"It was fine, pretty boring though. I don't like being here. They won't even let me take a shower alone."

"What? Why?" He leans forward in the chair.

"I-I guess they don't want me trying to hurt myself or anything."

He's looking at you and you're looking at him. This tension is killing you...

 

**Ghost's POV**

He was staring at her and he didn't know why. He had caught her staring at him. Usually he hated when people stared, but this was different. She kept biting her lip and it was slowly driving him crazy. He took a deep breath, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Can I kiss you?" Her eyes go wide and he knows he screwed up.  _Why did I say that? Shit, shit, shit._

"Please," she says. Ghost looks at her, "What?"

"Please...kiss me." She gets off the bed and he stands.

"I haven't done this in awhile so..."

She stands on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around his neck, "I'm sure you'll do fine."

With one hand at the small of her back and the other in her hair, he presses his lips to hers and melts into her. He's cautious at first, keeping the kiss simple and close-mouthed. Then he feels her tongue run along his bottom lip and that's his signal. He slides his tongue into her mouth and she makes a little sound.

He wants to pull away to make sure she's okay, but she won't let him go. She's struggling to stay on her tiptoes so he lifts her and she squeals. He places her on the end on the bed without breaking the kiss.

Both of his hands are in her hair now and her legs are wrapped around him. He moans, shocking himself. He can't remember the last time a woman made him do that. 

She bites his lip and he groans. She smiles against his lips. He pulls away a little and looks at her. Her hair is a mess, her face flushed and her lips are swollen...she looks so sexy. 

He had to stop before he wouldn't be able to. Her lips were just begging to be kissed again, but he had to stop. 

_Not here._

"Why did you stop?" she asks.

"If I don't stop now, I never will."

"Maybe I don't want you to."

"I have to. There are things that kisses like that lead to and we can't do those things in a hospital room."

She smiles and blushes. "I guess you're right," she says then bites her lip. 

"Stop that," he says. He kisses her softly one more time before slipping his balaclava back on. "I'll come see you tomorrow, okay?" She nods, "Okay. Thanks for tonight."

God, he wanted to stay and kiss her all night. "Anytime...goodnight." He walks out breathing like he just ran a marathon.

_That was amazing. Did that really happen?_

Ghost walks out into the night and lights a cigarette, "Yeah that really did happen," he says to himself smiling.


	10. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Ghost deal with the results of that kiss, but it's not bad at all..

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost was in a complete daze while walking back to his room. He couldn't even remember if he finished his cigarette. It was almost as if that kiss had gotten him drunk. Ghost was worried though. He was worried that kissing her would change things. Would everything between them be weird now? Did that kiss mean that they were  _together?_

That thought sobered him up right away.  _Me in a relationship?_ No way. That wasn't possible especially with someone like [your name].  _Am I in love?_ He found himself asking that question a lot these days.

She was way too sweet, way too nice for him. She'd been through hell and back, there was no way she was ready for something serious, right? They weren't in love or anything or were they?  _You're in love, just admit it._

It was a kiss. One kiss.  _Am I overthinking this?_

Should he talk to her about this? Ghost knew he wasn't boyfriend material, definitely not good enough for her. He could already hear Soap telling him to give it a chance.  _I'm thinking too far ahead._

He gets to his room and gets right in bed. Sleep doesn't come easily. He just keeps thinking of that kiss.

Ghost had been kissed before, of course, but not like that. The way she fit right into his arms, her body pressed against his... "Enough," Ghost says out loud.

Every time he closed his eyes, she was all he saw.  _I need to talk to Soap._ Ghost gets out of bed and throws some clothes on. He checks to see if Soap is in his room first, but when he knocks there's no answer. Then he checks Soap's favorite smoking spot and he's there.

"Captain," Ghost says and Soap turns around. "Simon. Want one?" He holds the pack of cigarettes out to Ghost. "Yeah, thanks."

Soap throws him a lighter. "Something on your mind?"

"Actually, yes and I need help," Ghost sounded desperate. It was pretty pathetic. Soap looks at him and he feels embarrassed now. "Well?" Soap says.

"I went to see her again," Ghost answers.

"I know that."

"We kissed. I mean for real this time."

"Lucky you," Soap jokes, "So what do you need my help with?"

Ghost sighs, "What happens after something like that? I mean are she and I together now? I'm not good at this relationship thing." He was expecting Soap to laugh at him, but he didn't.

"You two kissed, that's all. Unless there's something you're not telling me...," Soap looks at him.

"No! No...seriously? She's in the hospital," Ghost says. Soap laughs, "So did the kiss mean anything to you?"

"Of course it did, but what if she wants something more?"

"How is that a bad thing, Simon? The entire time I've known you I haven't heard you talk about a woman. Maybe it's about time."

"Yeah, but I'm not the romantic type. I'm not even the boyfriend type," he says.

"You're your own worst critic. Obviously she sees something in you that she likes. She's drawn to you and you're drawn to her, there's nothing you can do about it. If you push her away then you're a damn fool," Soap finishes.

"So should I just talk to her or what?" Ghost felt like an idiot, but he knew Soap was the only one he could get help from.

"I don't think you need to talk to her about anything unless she says something about it," Soap says. Ghost isn't sure what to say anymore. Soap was clearly telling him that there was nothing to worry about. It was up to him to not make things terribly awkward with [you].

"Do you love her?" Soap asks and Ghost clears his throat, "I don't know. It's...possible, but I haven't known her for very long and I don't think I believe in that whole love at first sight shit. I don't know much about her and she knows shit all about me. She could end up hating me."

"Simon, you're thinking about it way more than you need to. Does she like you now?"

"Well, yeah, I guess."

"Then that's what matters. She. Likes. You."

"Alright, I'm going to bed. Thanks for the cigarette and...well helping me," Ghost says and he realizes that he didn't take a single pull from his cigarette.

"No problem, Simon. Goodnight and don't fuck it up."

"What?"

"Don't fuck things up with her, she's a good one. You don't find ones like her too often. And if you do mess it up there are plenty of men here who wouldn't mind taking your spot. Don't think you would like that." Soap throws his cigarette to the ground and steps on it, Ghost does the same. "Yeah, goodnight."

As he walked back to his room, he thought about everything Soap had said.  _Don't fuck it up._ The problem was that Ghost was good at fucking things up, but when he thought about Soap saying that there were other men that wanted her, it infuriated him. He did not want to think about her doing  _anything_ with  _anyone_  else.

He opens the door to his room and sits on his bed. Ghost wondered if she was having the same dilemma...

 

**-Your POV-**

You were on cloud nine right now. That had to be the most amazing kiss you've ever had. When he stopped you were disappointed, but you understood why.

He had said, "Kisses like that lead to other things..." and you knew exactly what he meant. If you weren't in that hospital room would those "other things" have happened? You're alone in the room, but you still blush thinking about it. Was he thinking the same thing? You would love to know.

He told you that he would see you tomorrow, you couldn't wait. You just had to make it through the night. The night was your least favorite part of the day since Russia. Even when you tried to think of good things, the nightmares always came.

You wrap the blanket around yourself tighter wishing that someone was there with you, holding you.  _Simon, think of Simon._ It brings a smile to your face as you close your eyes. You drift asleep and dream.

Your dreams always started with you alone in a dungeon, but this time you were alone and in your room, not the hospital room, your actual room. Someone touches your shoulder from behind and you jump, ready to scream.

When you turn, you're not looking up into mismatched eyes, you were looking into beautiful, hazel eyes. The voice that speaks to you is not harsh, but gentle. That British accent that you've come to love so much.

You're smiling, not screaming. You moved into his touch and felt safe. Ghost was such a tough man, but his touch was gentle, his hands callused, but smooth.

You didn't feel afraid or disgusted as he undressed you. When he looked at you, you didn't feel dirty. He treated your body like a temple. He worshiped you, he appreciated you.

As his hands move lower, he kisses you and it's pure ecstasy. Just as his hand reaches that special spot you wake up sweating and breathing heavily. You usually woke up sweating from your nightmares too, but this was different.  _Very different._

When was the last time that you had a dream like that? Did that kiss take away your nightmares? If it did then Ghost was heaven sent. What the doctors couldn't fix with medicine, he cursed with a kiss.

You lay awake for a little while remembering the book under your pillow. You pull the book out and start to read.  _I wonder if he's sleeping._

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost was wide awake. He had slept for a short time, but then he had a dream and he was afraid to go back to sleep.

It wasn't a bad dream. To be honest, it was an amazing dream, but he felt dirty for thinking of her that way. All men had dream like that, he knew that, but he still felt bad. He was a man though and yes, he wanted her more than anything.

Ghost shakes his head. _While I sleep and dream of her she's probably having a nightmare._ When he falls asleep this time, he doesn't dream.

**-THE NEXT DAY-**

He woke up feeling great. He went to the gym and ate breakfast then went back to take a shower. While in the shower he thought about going to see her. He kept thinking about that kiss, but that wasn't the only reason he wanted to see her.

And that dream, that damn dream...Ghost had to stop thinking about it. He turns the hot water off so that the shower would be completely cold.  _A fucking cold shower. I feel like I'm in high school again._

After the shower, he dresses and sits in his room contemplating whether he should go see her or not.  _Just go see her, you know you want to._

As he walks to the hospital, it starts to rain. Ghost loved rain. He didn't know why but he did.

When he walks up to her room he meets the doctor and he looks happy. "She had a great night," the doctor says.

"Really?" Ghost says.

"No nightmares and she slept very well," the doctor sounds very happy.

"When do you think she'll be able to leave?"

"If she keeps having nights like this she'll be out of here in no time."

That makes Ghost smile. She deserved to be free from this place and he knew how much she hated it here. He walks into her room and she's standing by the window watching the rain. "Hey," she says without turning.

"Hey, I heard that you had a good night," Ghost says. That got her attention.

"I had a great night," she says with a big smile. He walks over to where she's standing and pulls her into a hug. She wasn't expecting it so she gasps, but then her arms are around him and he's home.

He holds onto her, wanting to never let go.

"So no bad dreams?" Ghost asks.

"Nope. It was nice...," she stops. He pulls away and looks at her, "What is it?"

"Nothing," she says, but it looks like she's blushing. Ghost pulls his balaclava off, "Will you tell me now?" She looks at him and bites her lip, "That only makes me want to kiss you again."

He didn't know if it was a good idea. Kissing her again could be the end of life as he knew it. He could fall in love with this woman...he  _is_  in love with this woman. He wanted her. He wanted all of her.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"I'm fine. I'm great."

"What are you thinking about?"

 _Don't do it. Don't say it._ "You," Ghost says. What was this woman doing to him? He was ready to spill his guts to her. "I need to tell you something," he says. She looks nervous, "Okay, I'm listening."

Ghost takes a deep breath, "I think I love you. I mean I'm not sure, but all I think about since I laid eyes on you is...you. I don't know how to do this. I'm not good at love and all that romantic stuff." Now he was rambling and she was just looking at him. "So what I'm trying to say is I love you. I love you, [your name]."

This was the first time he's ever done something like this and he didn't know if it was the right thing to do. He goes to say something else and she kisses him. When she stops and looks at him there are tears in her eyes. "Please say something," Ghost says nervously, "Are those happy tears or did I upset you?"

She laughs that wonderful laugh. "These are happy tears. Very happy tears." She looks him right in the eyes. "I love you, Simon. I thought I would be the first to say it. I was so afraid of what you might say."

All he can do is hug her. He's so happy. Then she says something that almost brings tears to his eyes, "You're the reason I'm getting better. I don't need these doctors or medicine. I need you, that's all."

"Well, now you'll never get rid of me," he says and she laughs, still holding onto him.

"Now that we have that out in the open I guess I can tell you I had a dream about you last night." She looks up at him and smiles.

"Are you going to give me details?"

She shrugs, "I'll think about it."

He'd get it out of her somehow, but right now he just wanted to hold her and kiss her.

 


	11. Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get out of the hospital after a few weeks and..you have needs.

**Ghost's POV**

She was getting out of the hospital today. Ghost was ecstatic, but of course he didn't let anyone see that.

It had been a few weeks and even he was ready for her to get out of there. He had been to see her every chance he got. It was getting harder and harder to stay away. Every kiss they shared just made things harder in more ways than one.

Ghost wanted to surprise her. He actually went out  and got her flowers. He never bought flowers for anyone.  _Seriously, what was she doing to him?_

Waiting at her door, he found himself getting extremely nervous. He was fidgeting, he felt hot although the hall was air conditioned. _Calm down, mate._

Every time he heard footsteps his heart pounded. He felt like he was there forever and suddenly she was walking down the hall towards him. The smile that appeared on her face made him forget how nervous he was. As she approached him her smile only got bigger.

"Are those for me?" She points to the flowers.

"Oh, uh..yes they are," Ghost says and hands them to her. She smells them and and looks at him, "They're beautiful. Thank you, Simon."

"Anything for you," he said and he really meant it. He would do anything for this woman.

She opens the door to her room, "You coming in?" she asks. 

It was a bad idea, he really shouldn't. Being alone with her...in this room.  _Say no..._ "Yeah," he says and walks in. The door closes behind him and they're alone.  _Well, fuck..._

She places the flowers by the window.  _Good thing I was smart enough to get a vase._ He takes his shades and balaclava off, "How does it feel to be out?" he asks.

"It feels great. I'm so happy!" She has the biggest smile on her face. "Why do you look so nervous?" she asks him.  _Shit._

"I'm not nervous," he answers with a little laugh. She walks over to him and hugs him. "Better?"

"Yeah, better," Ghosts says actually feeling a lot better. She sits on her bed and he sits in a chair, keeping a safe distance. "So, I've been reading more of House of Leaves. The words on the pages are starting to get all loopy now. I have to turn the book upside down to read some parts."

"You're getting to the good stuff now," he says. He's looking at her now and she's looking at him.  _Is she thinking what I'm thinking?_

"Am I gonna have to ask you?" she says standing up.

"Ask me what?"

"Kiss me, dammit." Then he's standing and kissing her. "I didn't...know...if it was okay," Ghost manages to get out between kisses.

"With you it's always okay."

He doesn't know what to do with his hands. "You can touch me, you know," she says. He runs his fingers through her hair and pulls away so he can look at her. "You're beautiful," he says.

She gives him a sweet smile then turns and pushes him down on the bed.  _Holy shit._ Before he can think, she's on top of him and they're kissing again. The way she keeps rubbing her body against his is sending him over the edge. His hands are under her shirt now, rubbing her back. He feels the scars and stops.

"It's okay," she says,"It doesn't hurt anymore."

Ghost looks at her, "I want to kiss every scar on your body." He kisses the scar on her face and she looks away. He turns her head so she's looking at him again, "You're beautiful, remember?"

Kissing her again, he can feel the tears on her cheeks. "No crying today," Ghost says wiping away her tears, "Or I'll have to find a way to make you smile."

She looks at intrigued now. "Oh yeah and how's that?" Suddenly he flips her over so that he's on top and she laughs. Her laugh turns into a moan as he kisses her more. His hands are slowly pulling her shirt up and he looks at her. She nods and sits up so he can pull her shirt off.

"Your turn." Ghost wants to freak out, but he lets her take his shirt off. She takes in every mark and every scar without judgement, "You're beautiful, too," she says. Could she be any sweeter?

"I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel," he says.

"You already make me feel g-great," she says stuttering on the last word as he kisses her neck. He kisses down a little between her breasts. "Tell me to stop and I will," he says. She doesn't say anything so he continues going lower reaching her navel.

"Mmmm...I...."

"Yes?" he says as one of his hands slide under the waistband of her sweatpants. She gasps and he smiles up at her.

Just as he's about to start, there's a knock on her door. They both look at each other. "Shit," they say simultaneously. Ghost puts his shirt back on and sits down in a chair as she puts hers back on and walks to the door...

 

**Your POV**

_What the hell?_ It was happening. It was  _really_ happening until someone came along and ruined it.  _Who could this be?_

You open the door and Soap is standing there. "Captain. Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I heard you were back with us and I wanted to come by and see how you were," Soap says.

"That's sweet of you. I'm doing great. Very happy to be back in my own room."

"I bet. How about we all go out and celebrate tonight. I think we all can use some fun. Drinks on me."

You smile, "That sounds great, I'd love to."

"Alright, I'll tell the other guys. You rest up a bit and..." he gives you a funny smile, "Ghost, you're invited as well!" Soap shouts over your shoulder. Ghost clears his throat, "Right. Thank you, sir." 

Soap laughs and you blush. "Carry on," he says and walks away. You close the door and look at Ghost. You lean against the door and cover your face.

"How the hell did he know?" you ask.

"That man can figure out everything. I don't know how he does it," Ghost says.

"Is my hair messed up or something?" You start smoothing it down.

"No, but I can make it a mess if you want me to."

"Simonnnn," you say and he laughs. "Well, maybe later."

He starts choking and now its your turn to laugh. You walk over to him and sit on his lap. "You know what I think we should do?" you ask brushing your lips against his. "What?" he says lustfully.

You pull away, "I think we should both get ready for tonight."

"What? No," Ghost says wrapping his arms around you.

"If we start this now we won't be able to get up when its time to go out," you say.

"I don't care," he says sounding like a petulant child. "Can I at least finish what I was about to do before we were interrupted?"

"That wouldn't be fair to you."

"You could always make it up to me," he says and you look at him, shocked.

"Where is this side of you coming from?"

"I'm sorry, but after weeks of kissing you I really can't help it. Do you not feel the same?" Ghost removes his arms from around your waist.

"Simon, I want you more than you could ever know, I've even had a dream about it," you say instantly regretting it.

"You what? So that's the dream you were talking about?"

You nod.

"Well, at least I'm not alone in that," he says and you turn your head to him quickly.

"You had a dream about me?"

"Dreams...plural."

"I feel so special now. Lieutenant Riley dreaming of lil ol' me. Were they good dreams?" you ask.

"That depends on your definition of 'good'." You can feel your face getting hot. "Well, in my dream you were about to touch me just like you were now before we got interrupted."

Ghost stares at you and you can tell what he's thinking. "Later Simon. Can you hold off til then?"

"I don't know. I don't want to," he laughs.

"I'll make it worth the wait," you say and his smile disappears. "Don't tease me like that."

"I'm not teasing. Now...you have to go so I can get ready."

Ghost makes a growling sound, "Fine." You kiss him one more time and he leaves.

"Oh my God," you say quietly as you decide what to wear.

**-A FEW HOURS LATER-**

**Ghost's POV**

He was still trying to calm himself down from what happened earlier. He wanted to kill Soap.

She obviously wanted it as bad as he did. The way she reacted to him, it was perfect. For weeks they had seen each other and kissed each other and Ghost was losing control. He didn't want to sound like a typical guy, but hey, he's a man. He had his needs just as he was sure she had hers.

Maybe having a few drinks will help take his mind off it.

She's waiting downstairs for him looking beautiful as ever. They were going to meet everyone else at the bar.

As he approaches, she gives him the once over and winks, "You look good in civvies..especially those jeans," she says.

"You're looking pretty good yourself." He wanted to grab her and kiss her, but he needed to make it through the night without...complications.

They get into his car and he drives to the bar. Everyone else is already there bu the time they get there. Roach gets up so [your name] can sit down. Ghost doesn't like the way any of the men are looking at her.  _Now my bad mood is here._

When he's in a bad mood he drinks more and tonight was no different. He would look at her every once in awhile, she was enjoying herself.

Ghost was ready to leave, but he couldn't drive. "Roach!" he calls. Roach comes over, "Yeah what's up?"

"Are you sober?"

"Yeah why?"

"Here, take my keys. Drive me back to the base."

"Um okay."

She must have spotted them walking towards the door. "Simon, are we leaving already?" Her words are a bit slurred.

"You can stay if you want. I'm leaving."

"Um, no. I'll go with you," she says.

"Fine."

Roach looks at both of them sensing the tension.

The ride back is even worse. He was in a bad mood, but she was playful. She wanted to touch and kiss him, but he wasn't having it.

Roach drops them off and Ghost walks to his room. He doesn't notice that she is following him. "Simon, what the hell is going on?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Did I do something wrong?" she asks, sounding more frustrated. He reaches his room and stops at the door, "No, it's just me being moody and drunk."

She sighs as he opens his door. "Will you feel better if I stay with you tonight?"

"We're both drunk, I don't think that's a good idea," he says.

"We don't have to do anything."

Ghost lets her in and he automatically lays down. She takes her shoes off and crawls into bed with him and puts her head on his chest. "I love you..even if you are a moody bastard," he hears her say as he closes his eyes.

"I love you," he manages to get out, putting his arm around her and falling asleep.


	12. It's An Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You become his in body and soul

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost opened his eyes slowly, the sun shining right in his eyes.  _Forgot to close the blinds last night._

He gets up to close them and when he turns around his heart nearly jumps out of his chest. She was here. He had forgotten all about that.

She shifts a little in her sleep. Never had he seen anything more beautiful.

Ghost watched her a little longer then got back in bed as carefully as he could. Almost as if she sensed him, a smile appeared on her face.  _I want this image to stay with me forever._ He pushes her hair out of her face and she grabs his hand.

"Simon," she says, her eyes still closed.

"I'm here."

She nestles up to him and he holds onto her eventually falling asleep.

When he wakes up this time, he looks over she's looking back. "Hey sleepyhead."

"Hey, you know you look beautiful when you sleep," he says. She smiles and hides her face in the pillow.

"Listen I'm sorry about last night. I got a bit..."

"A bit what?" she says.

"Jealous," Ghost sighs feeling like an idiot.

"Jealous? Why?" She sits up a little.

"I saw how they all were looking at you and flirting. I know its stupid, but it drove me crazy."

"Have you had your heart broken before or something?" she asks.

"I never kept anyone around long enough to break my heart."

"Well, you're gonna have a hard time getting rid of me," she says and Ghost kisses her. "Simon?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd never break your heart." He looks at her and he believes every word she says. She sits up and kisses him again. He never wants it to end.

"I'll walk you back to your room if you want," Ghost says. She shakes her head, "I don't want to leave yet. I'm enjoying this time with you."

"If you stay I can't promise that I'll behave."

"Maybe I don't want you to behave." She smiles at him. "You keep that up and you won't be leaving any time soon," Ghost says. He climbs on top of her and attempts to kiss her, but she puts a finger on his lips. "I need to go back to my room and shower."

He groans, "You just said you wanted to stay. You're driving me crazy!" She laughs and slides from under him.

"Tease...can I at least walk you back?" he asks.

"Of course you can," she says while putting her shoes on.

No one is in the hall when they leave his room and he's a bit relieved. He didn't need the entire base knowing his business.

The walk back to her room was over in no time. He didn't want to say goodbye yet. She opens her door, "Thanks for walking with me."

"My pleasure," Ghost says making no move to leave. "Will I see you later?" she asks.

"Definitely."

"Okay, well I'll see you later." She walks into her room and closes the door. He stands there for awhile before eventually walking away. He had to regain control of himself.

**-Your POV-**

_Don't let him leave. What are you doing?_ You were trying to behave yourself, that's what. Did you want him? Oh hell yes, but taking things to that next level could make things complicated.  _Complicated? Your entire life has been complicated._

Right, but sex...sex was a different kind of complication.

After what Makarov did to you, you felt unclean, disgusting.  _Is that what's stopping me?_

You knew Simon would never see you in that way, but you thought of yourself that way. You never felt anything but wonderful around him. He treated you perfectly almost too good.

The truth was, you didn't feel like you were good enough for him after what was done to you. Sitting on your bed you hug yourself and start crying. What else could you do? Then there's a knock on your door and you want to ignore it, but something tells you to answer it.

You wipe your eyes and open the door.  _Simon..._ You're ready to burst into tears again. He must sense that something is wrong. "Are you okay?" he asks and you grab him and hold on to him, crying.

He walks you inside and holds you. "What happened?"

"How can you like me, Simon?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm disgusting. I'm dirty. How could you want someone like me?" Your face is buried in his shirt. You hope he can understand you. Ghost pulls his balaclava off and you look up at him. He looks seriously angry. "You are none of those things, you hear me? I wanna kill the fucker for even laying eyes on you!" he says angrily.

His hands are on either side of your face so you're forced to look at him. "You. Are. Beautiful. I will tell you that every day if I have to. I'll shout it from the roof, too." He smiles after saying that and you laugh. "I only want you to feel good around me, nothing else." He kisses you then and you forget why you were upset. He lifts you then lays you down gently.

"I want to take all your sadness away," Ghost says.

"You're off to a good start," you say running your fingers through his hair.

**-Ghost's POV-**

Something told him to go back. Something told him to make sure she was okay. She ran right into his arms saying horrible things about herself and he just about lost it. That bastard had done things to her that will haunt her for the rest of her life.

Ghost felt like it was his duty to make sure she smiled every day. This woman who walked into his life a little over two months ago now meant everything to him. As he stared down at her, he was overcome with a feeling of love. "I love you," he says and kisses her again.

"Simon..." she says.

"Yes?"

"Make love to me."

Ghost looks at her, "Now? I mean, are you sure?" She nods, "Yes, unless you don't want to. I can just..." She goes to sit up and he pushes her back down. Laughing, she pulls his shirt up and off.

He sits her up and takes her shirt off. Unbuttoning her jeans, he looks at her again making sure she's okay with this. She nods and lays back as he pulls her jeans off. This was his first time seeing her like this, he wanted to cherish it.

Ghost stares at her and she starts fidgeting. "Is everything okay?" she asks.

"Everything is perfect. I just want to remember this moment," he says. Suddenly, she sits up and take her bra off. Ghost feels like its his first time all over again. It's almost as if he forgot what to do.

"Simon...it's okay."

"I know I just...its been awhile," he says sounding pathetic. "Touch me," she says. She takes his hands and puts them on her waist as she unbuttons his pants. He trembles. He can't believe this is happening. If someone knocks this time, he's ignoring it.

He stands and lets his pants fall to the floor. "Now we're even," she says and he laughs nervously. He watches as she climbs off the bed and goes to get on her knees in front of him.  _No._  Ghost grabs her arm and pulls her back up, "Let me take care of you," he says.

Was he crazy for stopping her? Probably, but he wanted today to be all about her. He sits her on the bed and pushes her back gently. She looks down at him as he pulls her panties off. "You can tell me to stop at any time, you know  that," Ghost says.

She nods and deep down he hoped she had no objections. He looks at her, taking it all in. This was really going to happen. As if he didn't say or think it enough, he couldn't get over how beautiful she was.

Leaning over her, Ghost kisses her deeply as he traces every curve of her body with his hands. 

His hands are resting on her hips. "Please," she begs him. She closes her eyes as he moves one of his hands between her legs.

"Look at me," he says and she opens her eyes. He finally touches her there and the sound she makes is enough to make him lose control.

She is trembling beneath him, her fingers scratching down his back.

As she tightens around his fingers, Ghost looks at her, her face showing nothing but complete pleasure and he was the cause of it.

He whispers that he loves her into her ear and she finishes with the most beautiful moan he had ever heard: his name.

**-Your POV-**

Simon had just given you one of the best orgasms ever. You were still coming down from that high when he kissed you passionately. That kiss alone could have sent you over the edge again.

Suddenly, you got an idea. You knew he wanted to make this all about you, but he deserved something special. While he was still distracted with kissing you, you push him over so now you're on top of him. He puts his hands on your hips.

"[your name], what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" You climb off of him long enough to pull his boxer briefs off then you climb back on top.

"Wait...wait," he says.

"What's wrong?"

Simon looks really shy all of the sudden,"I might...well, its been awhile and...you know..." 

You smile at him, "It's okay."

His hands grip your thighs tightly as you lower yourself on him. He groans and sits up, wrapping his arms around you. You move your hips slowly and he matches your movements.

"I'm not gonna last much longer," he says with a shaky voice. You love the effect you have on him. He flips you over and you wrap your legs around him. He moves in and out of you faster, harder.

You feel yourself getting closer, but you don't want to finish without him. His thrusts become more shaky and uneven and you know he's not far.

"Simon, I..." you say.

"I know, me too." He groans and pushes himself into you with one last thrust as you finish around him.

You kiss him before he rolls off of you still breathing heavily.

"Was that...?" he says and you know what he's trying to ask.

"That was amazing," you say looking at him. "Was it good for you?"

"Good? That was perfect, the best ever."

You blush and curl up next to him. "Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I've been really emotional lately and I'm surprised you've put up with me," you say.

"You don't  have to thank me for that. I want to do it. It's an honor." 

Your vision gets blurry as your eyes fill with tears.

You were his now, fully and truly and you wouldn't let anything take him away.

 

 

_But someone had other plans..._


	13. Coming Back For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happiness you feel after what happened is cut short..

**-Ghost's POV-**

She fell asleep in his arms after they had made love for the second time. Ghost had fallen asleep as well, but he was awake now just looking at her.  _I must have done something really great in another life to deserve this._

He never considered himself a lucky man, but damn if he wasn't lucky right at this moment. Something had to be wrong. Things like this didn't happen to him. Would she wake up and realize that she had made a horrible mistake? He wouldn't be surprised if she did, but for now he was going to enjoy the feeling of her body against his.

Her steady breathing, her hair laid across his chest, the little sounds she made: these were the things that mattered now.

Every time he moved she would hold onto him tighter as if she was afraid he would leave her.  _Never. Nothing could take me away._

She moves in her sleep again and looks up at him. "You're not going to scream in horror are you?" Ghost asks jokingly. She laughs, "Of course not. You could have moved me though. You didn't have to lay here and wait for me to wake up."  _Is that what she was used to?_

"Why would I do that? I actually enjoyed holding you like this. I don't ever want it to end," he says but she looks unsure. "What is it?" Ghost asks.

She sits up, the sheet covering her, "I just thought maybe..."

"Well, you thought wrong. I'm still here. I would stay here forever if I could." 

She looks back at him smiling sweetly. "Let's go take a shower," she says.

"Let's...as in  _together?"_ he asks and she nods. "Are you crazy? Someone could see!"

She kisses him and jumps out of bed, wrapping herself in a towel, "We've done riskier things before."

Ghost looks at her and squints, "Do you have some 'getting caught' kink or something?"

She cracks up. "No...just come on!"

"Fine," he says and she throws him a towel. What the hell was he thinking? If they got caught they could get in so much trouble especially him being her superior and all.  _Life's about taking risks right?_

Opening the door and peeking out slowly, she's quiet for awhile then she turns to him and nods. He grabs her hand and they go running down the hall to the showers.

They are both laughing and out of breath by the time they reach their destination. She stands at one of the sinks and brushes her teeth. He didn't even notice that she had carried things with her. "Do you want to her caught?!" Ghost whispers urgently.

"Calm down. No one is really in the barracks around this time. Go on and start the shower if you're so worried." She finishes brushing her teeth as he steps into the shower. The water feels amazing.

When he turns she's standing outside of the stall holding a cloth and soap. He watches as she unwraps her towel and drapes it over the wall. She stands under the water with him, closing her eyes.

Ghost takes the soap and cloth from her hands and lathers it up. He washes her, every inch of her. After he's done with her, she takes care of him.

He would never let anyone else do this, but she could do anything to him and he wouldn't care. If they got caught, who the hell cared?

When they get back to her room, he starts putting his clothes on and pulls out his phone.  _A missed call from_ Soap.

Ghost calls him back and Soap says he needs to see him right away.

She's watching him now. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Soap needs to see me though."

"Oh no. I'm sorry for keeping you," she says, worried.

"It's not your fault." He walks to her and kisses her before donning his infamous head gear. "I'll see you later, okay?" She smiles, "Okay, I love you."

"I love you, too," he says before leaving.

 

When he gets to Soap's office, he's automatically worried by the look on his face. "What's happened, John?"

"It's Makarov. Him and his buddies have massacred an airport in Russia," Soap says angrily.

"Holy shit!"

"Yeah, we gotta get this fucker, we gotta stop him. I have information on his possible whereabouts."

"Alright then let's go get him," Ghost says eagerly. He couldn't wait to kill him. He'd even let [your name] get a few shots.

"Simon, don't tell her," Soap says.

"What?"

"Don't tell [your name], she's not going."

Ghost sighs, "She's going to find out. Do you know how badly she wants to get rid of this man? If she's not there..."

"I can't let her go. With what happened last time, seeing him could trigger something. She's made all this progress, but I don't think she's ready for this," Soap finishes.

"You're right," Ghost says, "I can't have anything happening to her. I lo- care about her too much." Soap nods, "If you need to tell her, go ahead. Just make sure you tell her that I was the one who suggested she stay back."

"When do we leave?" Ghost asks.

"In two days. Spend as much time with her as possible," Soap says and Ghost looks at him feeling a little embarrassed. "It's alright. Your secret's safe with me, Simon."

Ghost nods at him and leaves.

How the hell was he supposed to break this news to her?

 

**-Your POV-**

You were hoping you hadn't gotten Ghost in trouble with Soap somehow.

Distracting yourself from worrying, you started tidying up your room. When you get to making the bed, you smile brightly. The scent of him was still on your pillows, on your sheets.

You make the bed then read, but you can't help feeling worried. Ghost still isn't back and it's been a little over an hour.

Just as you decide to go look for him yourself and open your door, he's standing there about to knock. "Jesus Simon! You scared me." He walks in. "Is everything okay?" you ask. He's quiet for a little longer than you're comfortable with. "Simon, what is it?" 

Ghost sits down and sighs, "Soap believes that we have Makarov's location."

"That's great! Are we going after him?"

He nods, "We leave in two days with reinforcements."

"This is great news. I can't wait."

"[Your name]...Soap doesn't want you to go," Ghost says and your face falls. "What? Why not? I want to go, I  _need_ to go!" you say angrily.

"I agree with him. I don't think you should go...," he says.

"Excuse me, but when did you two start making decisions for me?"

"Ever since you were tortured and... Anything can trigger your PTSD. We're not taking that risk," Ghost says.

"I should have some say in what risks I want to take."

"Soap is our CO, if he says you're not going, you're not going."

"But..."

"You're not going!" Ghost shouts and you stare at him, eyes wide. "Simon..."

"You're not fucking going. Makarov could get to you again...he could kill you. I wouldn't be able to deal with that," he says.

"You can't deal with that, but I have to deal with you being gone for God knows how long. I have to deal with not knowing if you're okay or if you're...you're..." Tears stream down your cheeks.

"My life is not as important as yours."

"How could you say that, Simon?"

Ghost shakes his head, "If you're here at least I know you're safe. It's one less thing I have to worry about."

You're sobbing now. He gets up and wraps his arms around you. "If you're here, I have something to live for, something to fight for. I'll stay alive for you."

His voice breaks on the last word and though you can't see his face, you know he's crying.

 

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost spent as much time as he could with her over the next two days. He wasn't ashamed to say that most of the time they stayed in bed all day except for when they had to eat or go to the bathroom.

The night before he had to leave, she cried and cried. He wanted to stay, he wanted to make sure she never cried again, he knew he couldn't though so he just held her.

Ghost told her that everything would be okay. He didn't know that for sure, but he was going to try his hardest to make it come true.

When the morning came, both of them were reluctant to get out of bed. Maybe if they stayed here all day, no one would bother them. Ghost knew that wouldn't happen though, he knew he had a job to do.

They both got dressed and they kissed, kissed until they couldn't kiss anymore. "I'll keep these kisses with me. They'll keep me going. They'll keep me alive," he says. She doesn't say a word she just cries silently.

She walks him down to where Soap is waiting by one of the warbirds. With every step, Ghost's heart gets heavier.

He doesn't care if Soap or anyone else is watching, he grabs her and holds her. Lifting his balaclava one more time he kisses her, putting his entire heart and soul into it. Tears fill his eyes. "I love you, [your name]. I love you and I promise you, I'll be back."

She gives him a small smile, "I love you more. If you don't come back I'll just have to come looking for you myself," she says and he believes she would do just that.

Ghost hugs her one more time and climbs into the helicopter. He watches as she walks to Soap and hugs him, saying her goodbyes.

Soap climbs on and she waves as they take off. Soap talks to him over the headset as Ghost watches her get farther away. "[Your name] told me something," he says.

"What's that?" Ghost asks.

"Two things actually. The first was to kill Makarov once and for all.." 

Ghost looks at him, "And the second?"

"She told me to make sure you come back alive."

Ghost closes his eyes and smiles.

"I swore to her that I would make sure both things happened. The second is top priority. I'm not bringing my best friend and the man she loves back in a casket," Soap says.

Ghost looks down one more time not able to make her out anymore, but he knows she's still there.

 

_I love you and I'm coming back. I promise._


	14. The Worst of Both Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission in Russia doesn't end as planned..

**-Ghost's POV-**

It had been a month and they hadn't spotted Makarov once. Ghost was angry. Makarov should be dead by now. He could be back with [your name] instead of in these damn mountains chasing shadows.

The other men could tell he was getting frustrated. "Simon, you're going to have to calm down. I don't want you doing anything stupid," Soap says.

"Whoever gave you this intel is stupid!" Ghost says angrily. "I thought this was going to be quick!" He wants to shout even louder, but he doesn't want to risk giving away their position.

They had been walking for what felt like forever. When Soap told them to stop, Ghost was relieved. "There's a house up ahead. It's known to be a place that Makarov frequents," Soap says quietly.

Ghost must have been busy daydreaming because soon someone was nudging him. "Ghost? You alright man?" Roach asks.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired is all." Roach nods and walks away, but Soap is giving him a funny look.  _Oh man..here we go._ _  
_

Soap walks to where he's standing. "You're not just tired are you?"

Ghost sighs, really not wanting to talk about this right now. "You already know the answer to that."

"Look, I'm sorry this isn't going the way you planned, but you need to suck it up and stay frosty," Soap says.

Ghost stared at Soap. He never spoke to him that way. He must be feeling frustrated too. "If you keep spacing out and getting angry you're gonna get yourself killed," Soap says.

"I just...I'm sorry. I'm fucking up," Ghost says. Suddenly he was angry at [your name]. 

Why did he have to fall in love with her? Why did he have to make love to her?  _It's not all her fault. It takes two to tango._

A man like him wasn't supposed to fall in love and be happy.  _This_ was his life. Hunting down the bad guys, protecting the good people.  _Protecting her. You made her a promise._ He felt as though his whole life revolved around her now. Was he supposed to he feel that way? Is that what love was? How was he supposed to know...

Soap taps him on the shoulder, "We're going to head towards that house now. He has to be there. This is the last lead we have," Soap sighs. Ghost nods at him, "We'll get him."

A few men walk around to the back of the house. Ghost starts to walk off but Soap grabs his arm. "Don't get yourself killed. I know you told her you would kill him but it's not worth your life. I think you coming back alive is more important to her than killing Makarov."

Ghost smiles under his balaclava, "I have you watching my back, I'll be fine. Besides if I do die you're the one that will have to break the news to her. I wouldn't want to do that," he laughs lightly and Soap claps him on the shoulder. "Let's go."

He had made a joke out of it, but in reality he didn't want to die. The thought of [you] being sad all over again made him sad.  _Live for her. Remember what Soap said: your life is more important._

It's getting dark so the night is on their side. Soap speaks to him over his headset, "When we get in there, weapons free. Everyone in there is considered hostile."

"Yes, sir," Ghost replies.

He hears a crashing sound and then gunfire. The other men must have breached the back of the house. He and Soap run up to the door and kick it in. He is suddenly ambushed by men coming down the stairs. Ghost fires on the ones that he can, but his weapon is knocked from his hands.

"Fuck!" he shouts as he throws punches. He is able to grab his sidearm and shoot the man that attacked him. "Soap, you alright?!" he yells.

"Yeah I'm good!"

If Makarov was here he definitely heard all the commotion. He's probably on the run now!

 

Eventually, they all clear out the lower level of the house and Ghost goes upstairs to check the other rooms. "Clear!" he shouts down to the other men, "He's not here." Ghost looks around one more time and notices an open window at the end of  the hall.

He walks to the window, pistol drawn, and looks out. He's certain he sees someone running across the backyard and jumping over the fence. "Someone's getting away!" he says as he runs down the stairs.

"It's him! It's Makarov!" Ghost says. 

He really wasn't sure. It was dark, it could have been anyone. 

Soap said just as much out loud, "You can't be 100 percent sure about that, Ghost. I'm not letting my men run blindly into the dark after some John Doe."

"Just me then," Ghost says.

"No!"

"Don't we have night vision goggles or something?" he asks.

"It doesn't matter if we do because you're not going," Soap says through his teeth.

Ghost is extremely frustrated now. "For the love of god, John! We can't keep letting that fucker get away! He's hurting people, he's  _killing_ people! Innocent people. Now, either you give me the goggles or I'll just go out there blindly. Either way, I'm going," he finishes.

Soap looks at him exasperated and hands him the night vision goggles from his belt. "Be careful," he says.

"I will." Ghost walks to the back door. Before he steps out he hears Soap say, "Wait." He turns and watches as Soap borrows goggles from someone and walks towards him. "I can't let you do this alone, Simon. I made someone a promise."

Ghost nods and puts on his goggles as Soap does the same.

As they walk Soap says, "You're crazy for doing this, but I understand."

"I knew you would."

They hop the same fence Ghost saw the mystery man hop. They whisper when they talk now. "I don't think he would have grabbed night vision goggles being in a rush and all, so we have an advantage. Chances her he's armed though," Ghost says.

"He couldn't have gotten far," Soap whispers.

They stop where they are, looking around. A twig snaps and they both look in the direction of the sound. Using his hands, Ghost tells Soap that he'll go one way and Soap should go another. Soap nods and walks slowly in the opposite direction.

He hears another sound and turns, but its too late. Someone punches him in the stomach. Whoever it is, is trying to wrestle his pistol away from him. Ghost is able to focus long enough to see that it was him. It's Makarov!

Makarov is able to get the gun away from him and has it aimed at his face. He lowers it and shoots Ghost in the thigh. He shouts in pain as he falls to his knees. "You won't get away with this."

"Oh, I know your friend is here too. He probably ran into a few of my men. They should keep him occupied," Makarov says smugly.

"You can kill me, but just know that you'll die too," Ghost says starting to feel lightheaded. Makarov fires the gun again, this time hitting Ghost on the left side of his chest.

He falls to the ground and hears someone shout his name. He looks up and sees Soap. "Watch out," he tries to yell, but he's too weak. 

Ghost hears the familiar sound of a gun being fired and something hitting the ground. "Soap," he says weakly. 

His eyes start to close and suddenly he is being turned over onto his back.  _Soap...he's alive!_

"Ghost can you hear me! I'm going to get you out of here, okay?! Stay with me!"

As his world fades to black, he sees her face.

_I'm coming back for you. I promise._

 

**-Your POV-**

You wake with a start, your heart beating quickly. You must have dozed off.  _Something's wrong._

You place your hand over your heart trying to calm yourself.

A month and a few days with no word from Ghost or anyone else on the mission. Sleep no longer came easily the way it did when he was around. You weren't having nightmares, but you worried about him.

Something wasn't right though, you felt even worse than you usually did.

It was night in Russia, that much you knew, but you needed to know more than that. 

Why was it taking so long? Was Soap's information wrong? Did they get ambushed? Were they all...?

No. Stop thinking like that. They both made promises. They  _had_ to come back.

 _What if they don't?_ Stop! Enough!

You were crying now. You cried just about every day since he was gone. The man that had 'cured' you was gone and you weren't sure if you'd ever see him again. _Of course you will._ Simon was tough and stubborn, he'd be back. 

He was also stubborn enough to get himself killed though and that scared the hell out of you. Every time you tried to think positive there was a negative response.

You would feel better if you were there with him at least then you would know something. You tried not to worry, you really did, but deep down...something was wrong. Was it possible to find out something? They had to have some kind of contact with the base even all the way in Russia.

_Are you sure you want to know anything?_

If something had happened Soap would attempt to let you know, wouldn't he? You couldn't shake this feeling.

Suddenly, the phone in your room rings and you jump.  _Please..._

You walk to the phone slowly and pick it up.

"[your name], can you hear me?!"  _It's Soap._

"Y-yes. Soap. Is everything okay?"

Soap is quiet for awhile, too long for you. "Soap, what is it?"

You feel your chest tightening already. "It's Simon," he says, emotion filling his voice.

"God dammit, Soap! Tell me!"

"He's been shot. Makarov shot him...twice. I got him. I killed Makarov, but he got Simon before I could stop him. He lost a lot of blood. I don't know if...if..."

That's the last thing you hear before dropping the phone and falling to your knees. You fall over and hug your knees to your body and cry, cry harder than you ever have.

__

 

_Don't die, please don't die..._

 


	15. For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soap makes sure he keeps in contact with you about Ghost and you both get a surprise

**-Your POV-**

How long had you been lying there? 

How long had you been crying?

You don't know and you really don't care. The phone had rang three more times, but you couldn't bring yourself to answer it. Your heart couldn't take anymore bad news.

_Get up now._

You had to find the strength to first. Wiping your eyes, you sit up slowly and look at the phone. It rings.  _Shit..._ Your hand trembles as you reach for it.

"Hello?" you say quietly, close to bursting into tears again.

"[Your name]? Are you okay?" Soap asks.

"No. No I'm not." You start crying again.

"I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I should have stayed with him. I let you both down." Soap's voice is filled with emotion as well. "Can...can you tell me what happened? Tell me how he is," you say but you're not exactly sure if you want to know.

"Simon wanted to go after him. I tried to stop him but you know how stubborn he is. I couldn't let him go alone. We split up and I ran into some of Makarov's men, that's when I heard the gunshot. I dealt with those men as quickly as I could and ran to find him then I heard another round." Soap stops here. This must be the hard part. You take a deep breath before he continues.

"When I got to where they were, Simon was face down. I...I thought he was already dead until I saw him lift his head. I was so angry, fucking livid. Makarov pointed the gun at me, but I was faster and I shot him. I  _killed_ him." Soap gets quiet and you can pretty much figure out the rest.

"Is he going to be okay? Will he live?" you ask. Soap hesitates then says, "I have to be honest with you, it doesn't look good. He lost so much blood and one of the bullets  _just_ missed his heart. I don't even understand how he's lasted this long, stubborn bastard," Soap says with a forced laugh.

He notices how quiet you are. "You okay?"

"Um yeah I just wish I could see him, you know. He was there for me and I can't even be there for him." Your eyes fill with tears.

"Hey, once he's stable enough we'll bring him back," Soap says comforting you.

"What if...?"

"Don't even say it. Like I said, we're going to bring him back. I promised you that."

"Yes sir," you say smiling a little.

"I'm going to go now. I'll call you back if anything changes, okay?" Soap says.

"Okay."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah I'll manage. Just...take care of him for me. Make sure he knows I love him," you say.

"No problem. Talk to you soon." He hangs up.

You hang up and sit for a moment.

What are you going to do? If he didn't make it through this what would happen? It sounded selfish but you felt so lost without him. This man hadn't been part of your life very long, but he had changed it so much, for the better. You were happy, well, before all this happened. You couldn't lose him. You couldn't imagine life without him now.

_Stop being so selfish!_

You couldn't help it. He was supposed to be there with you, safe and sound. The two of you should be holding each other and waking up next to each other every day.

Instead you were sitting here on your bed and Simon was in a hospital bed fighting for his life.

You close your eyes and think.  _Please be okay for me. For Soap. Please._

If only he could hear your thoughts. If only thoughts could make people better.

 

**-Soap's POV-**

Breaking the news to [you] was the second hardest thing he ever had to do. The hardest thing he had to do was watch his friend suffer and there was nothing he could do for him. 

_Was this my fault? I should have stayed with him._

Two different missions and two traumatic experiences on his watch. What was happening to him?

He looked up from where he was sitting, looking at Ghost.  _Ghost..._ he was so pale his name was eerily fitting now. If the monitor wasn't beeping he would think Ghost was dead. Nothing major was hit but he lost so much blood. Soap was still covered in it.

He looks down at his clothes. "Shit," he says quietly. The adrenaline was wearing off, his hands were shaking.

Roach comes into the room and stands on the other side of the bed. "You alright, Captain?"

Soap nods, "I'm as okay as I can be in this situation."

Roach gives him a small smile and looks down at Ghost. "I've never seen him without the mask," Roach says. Soap could tell this was really bothering him.  _Not as much as it's bothering me, pal._

"I let this happen," Soap says aloud by mistake.

"Captain, you can't blame yourself for this. When we joined the Task Force we knew what we were signing up for. We knew we'd be risking our lives," Roach says.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but I can't help feeling like this could have been avoided."

Roach shakes his head, "There was no stopping Ghost even if you wanted to. We both know that." He laughs and Soap smiles. "He'll pull through Captain. There's no doubt in my mind."

"I hope you're right," Soap says as Roach walks to the door. "I am right," he says with a smile before leaving.

Soap looks at the door making sure it is closed then he stands closer to the bed. "Simon, I know you can hear me," he says slightly above a whisper. "Stop being so stubborn and wake up. I talked to her, she's so worried. She told me to tell you that she loves you. She would be happier if you were back on base. I would love to do that for her, but first you have to wake up. You have to be strong."

Soap looks at Ghost, no movement, no anything. "Come on, mate," he says, "Just wake up. Please."

He decides to call [you] again.

He would go crazy if he just sat here the whole time.

 

**-Ghost's POV-**

Was he dreaming? If so, why couldn't he wake up? Why couldn't he move his body?

What happened?

He hears a gunshot and flinches. Another one.

The pain in his leg, the pain in his chest. Someone shot him?!

_Wake up, damn you! Move your body!_

The darkness was scaring him. Was he dead? No, he couldn't be. She needs him. [Your name] needed him. He couldn't die.

Everything was coming back to him now. He was in Russia, Soap was there, too. Makarov had attacked him and shot him! Ghost could remember hearing Soap shout his name and telling him that everything would be okay.

_If only I could wake up!_

He can see her face. She was probably worried sick. Did Soap tell her? Probably.

Ghost couldn't die here, he couldn't leave her like that. She was strong, but horrible things had happened to her and she needed support. She needs  _him._

Wait. Was someone telling him to wake up? That's Soap's voice, but he also hears another voice.  _Is that you, [your name]?_

He was scared, terrified.

_It is not my time to die. Open your fucking eyes, Simon!_

He hears beeping and he feels pain, a lot of pain. His eyes open slightly and the light hurts his eyes, but he has to keep trying.

Ghost blinks a few times and looks around.  _Fuck! He was in pain!_

He tried to call for someone, but he couldn't. He felt so weak. 

There must be one of those buzzers around here somewhere to call the nurse. He looks down and next to him is exactly what he's looking for.

 

So he presses it.

 

- **Your POV-**

You were curled up on your bed trying to sleep, but you couldn't.

All you could think about was Simon. Why couldn't you be there with him?  _Don't cry again._

The phone rings and you pick it up quickly. "Soap?"

"Yeah, its me," he says. He sounded so tired.

"Any news?"

"No, I just couldn't sit around anymore."

"Why don't you get some rest? You sound like you need it," you say.

"Even if I wanted to sleep I don't think I could."

"I understand."

You are both quiet for awhile. Suddenly Soap says, "What?"

"I didn't say anything," you say.

"I was talking to someone over here. They just told me that he's awake. Simon is awake," Soap says, shocked. "Oh my god, he is?" you ask. Soap is distracted now and you know that he needs to go.

"Go, Soap..its okay," you tell him.

"Are you sure? I'll call back as soon as I can," Soap says.

"Okay, I'll be here."

"He woke up for you, you know?"

"What?"

"Before I left to call you I told him that you loved him and that he had to wake up to see you again and now..." Soap finishes.

"Thank you, sir. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. I'll call you soon, okay?"

"Yes sir." Soap hangs up and you burst into happy tears. You're so relieved. You didn't care if you didn't sleep at all, you would wait for that phone to ring.

_"He woke up for you..."_

You smile.

 

"He woke up for me."


	16. Hey Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get that phone call you were waiting for

**-Soap's POV-**

Soap couldn't believe what he was hearing at first. 

_Ghost is awake? Is this some sick joke?_

He was on the phone with [you] when Roach came to tell him. 

He was afraid to face him though. After all, this  _was_ kind of his fault. As he walked back to Ghost's room he tried to think of what to say to him. Was it a good time to be joking around? Should he apologize?

_Why am I acting as if I'm meeting him for the first time?_

Soap stands outside of his door until he finally finds the courage to step inside. The doctor is still there checking on him, making sure everything is okay. Ghost along with the doctor look up when the door closes behind him.

"Soap can you please tell this doctor to stop poking and prodding at me, I'm fine," Ghost says. Soap smiles and the doctor only shakes his head.

"How are you feeling, Simon?" Soap asks.

"I'd be better if this guy would leave."  _Well, he hasn't changed at all._

The doctor walks towards the door but stops to talk to Soap. "It's a miracle that he's pulled through like this after losing so much blood. I've seen men die from much less than that. His will to live is astounding." Soap nods, "It wasn't his time to go, doc."

The doctor leaves and Ghost is relieved. "I thought he'd never leave."

"You come back from the brink of death complaining, huh?" Soap says with a smile.

"I'm not gonna let almost getting killed change me," he says but Soap can tell he's still not as strong.

"It's good to have you back, Simon."

"Good to be back, but I don't like it here. Why didn't you guys fly me back to base?" Ghost asks.

Soap shakes his head, "That was far too risky. You were dying, you understand that don't you? We're all the way in Russia. A few hours on a plane could have killed you."

"I understand."

"I'm sorry," Soap says quietly.

"For what?"

"For this. I should have stayed with you."

"It was my idea to split up. I don't blame you for any of this," Ghost says.

"Well then I must be the only crazy one blaming myself."

"Yeah, just your crazy ass." They both laugh but Ghost stops quickly and his face changes. He looks like he wants to say something and Soap can already figure out what it is. "She knows. I called as soon as we got here. I was on the phone with her again when they told me you were awake."

Ghost looks down. "Is she okay?"

"She should be now that you're awake."

"I hate thinking of her sitting there worrying about me. It's not fair." Ghost sighs.

"She would have been worrying about you whether this happened or not, Simon," Soap says.

"I want to see her. I need to see her."

"I can't do anything about that right now. What I can do is let you speak to her. Will that suffice for now?"

Ghost shrugs, "I guess that will have to do."

 

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost felt like a complete idiot being pushed around in a wheelchair, but he couldn't walk with that gunshot wound on his thigh so he had to grin and bear it.

They get to the phone and Soap picks it up then hands it to him. "You ready?"

"Yeah," he says but is he really. Ghost already felt extremely emotional. Who knew what would happen when he heard her voice. He hadn't heard it in over a month and now with this happening it was just too much.

Soap dials her number then walks away to give him some privacy. The phone rings twice then a sleepy voice answers, "Hello? Soap?" 

His vision gets blurry, unshed tears threatening to fall.

"Hello?" she says again.

"Hey love," Ghost finally manages to say. He hears a soft sob then, "Simon?" her voice trembling.

"Yeah its me," he says his voice cracking.

"Simon," she says again and it's the most beautiful thing ever. She's full on crying now.

"Shhhh..hush now, it's okay. I'm okay."

"I'm so happy. Don't you  _ever_ scare me like that again!"

He has to smile after hearing that.  _So bossy._ "I'm sorry sweetheart. I wasn't planning on getting shot."

She lets out a little laugh between crying but says, "That's not funny, Simon."

"I gotta cheer you up somehow. It hurts me when you cry," Ghost says, tears threatening to fall again. Just when he thinks he has it under control she speaks.

"I can't lose you, you hear me? I love you and I can't imagine me life without you now. I know that sounds selfish, but I don't care. My heart belongs to you and if you go then my heart does too." She's crying again and now he's crying. He doesn't even care if anyone sees him, he's been holding this in for too long.

"Simon, are you okay? I'm sorry if I upset you," she says.

"No, no it's fine. I'm okay...just a lot of bottled up emotions finally breaking free I guess." Ghost sighs and clears his throat, "I love you [y/n], more than anything in this world."

"I love you more. I wish I could be there. I just want to see you."

"I'm sure you do. Not to brag but I look pretty sexy in a hospital gown," he says and she bursts into laughter.  _That sweet sound._ He closes his eyes and takes it in.

"Do you know when they'll let you leave?" she asks.

"No, I didn't get a chance to ask, but as soon as I know you'll know."

They talk for a little longer and she tells him about her therapy and how well she's doing. "I'd do even better if you were back."

"You think if I tell the doctor that they'll let me leave sooner?" he says. She laughs, "It's worth a shot."

He doesn't want to let her go, but the pain meds are making him tired and he's just plain worn out.

"Go on and get some rest, Simon. You're exhausted, I can hear it in your voice."

"I'll miss you," he says.

"I'll miss you, too and I love you Simon Riley."

He actually likes the sound of his name when it's coming from her. "I love you too [y/n]. I'll see you soon."

"You better," she says and hangs up. He reaches to hang the phone up and he does, but it takes the last of his strength.

Ghost rolls himself down the hall slowly, not wanting to overexert himself. Luckily, he meets up with Soap again. "How did it go?"

"It was perfect. Just what I needed."

"Good."

He knew he would sleep well. Even if he didn't have the pain meds, she had that effect on him.

 

**-Your POV-**

You didn't mean to break down the way you did, but it was  _him._ Simon called you and you hoped it wasn't a dream.

Soap told you he would call back and you tried to stay awake but dozed off. When you heard the phone ring you assumed it was Soap. Hearing Simon's voice went straight to your heart and it was overwhelming. It was totally unexpected, but it was a good surprise.

He was pretty emotional, too. That surprised you. He never struck you as the kind of man that would cry or at least cry in front of anyone. Does that mean you've completely broken down his wall?

Simon had a tough outer shell and you didn't blame him for it. The fact that he even let you hear him cry was a breakthrough. You shake your head to clear those thoughts. That was enough deep thinking for now.

Right now you just wanted to be happy that you heard his voice. A little over a month may not seem like a long time, but it felt like forever to you, especially when someone you love is gone.

The next step was getting him back here close to you again, back in your arms.

Suddenly, you remember that Soap didn't tell you where else Ghost had been shot. He did say one of the bullets just missed his heart, but he said Ghost had been shot twice. Where else? You start to get sad again.

 _Poor thing._ Simon didn't deserve that at all.  _He did promise to make Makarov pay for what he did to you._ Did he really risk his life just for you?

No. There were plenty of other horrible things Makarov had to pay for...but you still felt guilty. You're sure he didn't blame you so you needed to stop blaming yourself.

Be happy. Simon is alive and he's going to be coming back.

Makarov is gone..so that was one less thing to worry about.

Those were things to be happy about.

You lay on your bed and you smile.

For the first time in a month you have something to be happy about.


	17. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghost and the other guys come back and all Ghost really cares about is what you'll think..

**-Ghost's POV-**

Ghost was there for three more weeks before they thought he was stable enough to travel.

Every day was the same: Wake up, eat breakfast, take a shower, physical therapy. They didn't let him do much but after therapy he was too tired anyway. He tried to make sure he called you every day. That was always the highlight of his day.

Talking to her always made him feel better, but he was scared. While Ghost could walk now, he had a limp and it made him feel insecure. He wanted to be strong for her. He didn't want to have to rely on someone helping him for the rest of his life.

 _She probably wouldn't mind helping you for the rest of your life._ Maybe but who would even want to be stuck with him for the rest of their life, even without the injury.

On a happier note, he would be back in time for her birthday. Ghost racked his brain trying to think of what she would want. He even went as far as asking Roach and Soap what they thought she would like.

Roach gave such a crazy idea that Ghost thought he was joking. "Maybe you should just ask her to marry you," Roach said. Ghost burst into laughter and looked at him. He cleared his throat, "Oh, you're serious."

Roach nodded, "I mean why not? You two are obviously in love and you'll never have to be apart from each other, well, for too long at least."

Ghost shook his head, "I don't think so. I've only known her for a short time. I might scare her away just proposing like that." He looks at Soap. "What do you think I should get her?"

"I think seeing you back  _alive_ will be the best gift you could give her. [Y/N] doesn't strike me as a woman who is materialistic. Little things make her happy," Soap says.

"I'm not a gift, John. As romantic as that is I still think I should get her something," Ghost says.

"Well then you'll think of something. You know her better than we do."

Roach starts humming Here Comes the Bride and Ghost wants to throw something at him.

[Y/N] marrying me? Yeah right.

He had nothing to offer, but maybe Soap was right, she'd probably be happy just to have him back. She was so special to him though, he had to do something. Ghost tried not to think about it too much. When he got back there would still be another two weeks before her birthday actually came.

He couldn't wait to hold her again and tell her he loved her.

They were leaving tomorrow. He was excited and nervous. What if things were different between them? _No, that would never happen._ She was the one constant in his life. The thing he could always run back to that would never change.

**-The next morning-**

Ghost is up and ready before anyone else. This is the day he has been waiting for.

His doctor comes in one more time to check on him. "You've made an amazing recovery, Simon. You must have one helluva reason to live," the doctor says.

"I do, doc, I do," Ghost responds.

Before he met her he really didn't care if he lived or died because there was no one around that  would actually miss him, except Soap, maybe. Now he had a reason to live, a reason to be happy.

_Stop daydreaming, its time to go._

Ghost was ready to run out of there, but of course they needed him to get in a wheelchair.

He shook his doctor's hand and was on his way. They wanted to give him crutches, but he settled for one. He wanted to keep using the injured leg, it needed to get strong again.

When he got in the car that was taking them to the airport the time seemed to drag on. Everyone wanted to talk and discuss everything and Ghost was just ready to leave. "You look worried, Simon," Soap says.

"I'm just ready to go, you know..." he stops.

"What is it?"

"My leg...what if I never walk right again?" Ghost says.

"You're strong. Your leg will be back to normal in no time."

Ghost nods and looks out the window. He's quiet the rest of the way to the airport.

As he limps his way to the plane, Soap walks next to him. "You're not really worried about your leg are you? You're worried about what she will think." Soap hits the nail on the head again.

Ghost sighs, "I'm supposed to be strong...now look at me." He wants to break something.

"I told you before, you are strong. You survived something that would have killed other men. You're one of the strongest man I know, Simon. I don't compliment other men a lot so you better shut up and believe me," Soap says smiling.

Ghost stops at the steps leading up to the entrance of the plane. Soap is already halfway up, but stops and comes back down. "Never be afraid to ask for help, mate."

Ghost throws his arm over Soap's shoulder and together they board the plane.

 

**-Your POV-**

This wait was driving you crazy. You had been pacing your room ever since you knew they'd be coming back today.

You could hardly eat or do anything else for that matter. Almost two months without seeing Simon and it felt like meeting him for the first time.

To hell with this, you were going down to the landing zone to wait. You notice a lot of the men are heading in the same direction.  _That's right, Makarov is dead and these men are responsible for it. They're getting a heroes welcome._ You smile to yourself.

There's already a crowd out there by the time you reach the LZ. You overhear someone say, "They should be here in about 20 minutes."

Twenty minutes sounds like forever especially when you've been waiting all day. You pass the time by talking to the other men. You try not to look at your watch then someone shouts, "Here they come!" and you are engulfed by the crowd.  _Shit! How would Ghost find me now?_

The plane lands and the cheering gets louder. You push your way through the crowd trying to get to the front. No one coming off the plane spots you in the crowd and that makes you nervous.

Ghost and Soap appear at the top of the steps leading from the plane. You immediately start crying and you notice both of them looking around.  _They're looking for you!_

You wave your arms in the air and shout their names. Soap looks first then nudges Ghost and points at you. You can't see his face or his eyes but you can feel his eyes on you.

Soap is helping him down the steps and that's when you notice the crutch.

Everyone is patting him and Soap on the back and shaking their hands, but Ghost is still looking at you. You can't move, you can't do anything. They're off the steps now and suddenly Ghost throws the crutch down and heads straight for you.

You stumble back a little but then his arms are around you and you can't stop crying. "Simon," you say quietly. You're pretty sure he can't hear you over the crowd, but he says, "Yeah I'm here." He pulls away from you and just looks.

"Hi," you say stupidly.

"Hey," he says and you can hear the smile in his voice. "Let's get out of here." He takes your hand and leads you away. You want to tell him to slow down, but it might upset him.

As soon as you two get in his room he pulls his balaclava off and kisses you  _hard._

"Mmm...Simon...I.."

He pulls away breathing heavily. "I'm sorry I just missed you...missed  _that."_

"Don't be sorry. I missed you so much and I..." You start crying.

"Don't cry," Ghost says and he lifts your head so you're looking at him. "You don't have to cry anymore, I'm here." He kisses you again and this time he doesn't stop.

When you start to undress him he tenses up and you tell him not to worry. Seeing his wounds up close for the first time makes you want to cry but you don't.

You make him sit and watch as you undress. When you turn around the passion in his eyes is overwhelming

He makes love to you and you never want it to end. When it does you just hold each other, his head on your stomach.

Ghost looks up at you, "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

You look at him, "Yes I do."

"Was it love at first sight when you saw my face for the first time?" he asks.

"I loved you long before then," you say and he looks at you again, shocked. "Why? How?"

"I'm too tired to explain right now. Maybe I'll tell you tomorrow." You laugh and turn over.

"That's not fair!" he says, "I'm wounded, pity me!" You both start laughing. "I love you, Simon."

"I love you more, [Y/N]." He wraps his arm around you and falls asleep almost immediately. You fall asleep not long after.


	18. The Way We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghost gives you one of the best birthdays ever plus more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. The last chapter and it is full of sappiness and happiness. Enjoy!

Ghost got up early and tried his best not to wake her. She sighed and shifted in her sleep and it made him smile.

This was all he needed. He had missed this so much. Now that he gets to wake up next to her he couldn't think of anything better.

Standing slowly, Ghost winces as a dull pain shoots through his thigh. He looked around for his crutch then he remembered throwing it down when he saw [y/n]. "Shit," he says quietly. He limps to the door opening it and judging the distance from his room to the showers.

Sighing, he looks down slightly and notices his crutch leaning against the wall by his door.  _Soap..._ Ghost smiles and shakes his head.  _What would I do without that man?_

He takes his shower and gets dressed. When he gets back to his room [y/n] is still sleeping so he writes her a note and leaves.

As he makes his way out the door he runs into Soap. "Ah, I see you found the little gift I left for you," he says pointing at Ghost's crutch.

"Oh yeah, thanks. I knew I forgot something." Soap gives him a sly smile, "You moved pretty fast for a man with a leg injury."

"Shut up, John," Ghost says glad that he has his balaclava on because he can feel his face flush.

"Where are you off to anyway?" Soap asks.

"I, uh, wanted to go look around...shopping I guess. I need to find something for [y/n]'s birthday...and before you say anything, I think she deserves more than just having me back," Ghost finishes.

"I'll come with you, but to be honest I have no idea what to buy a woman. It's been awhile for me," Soap says sheepishly.

"Then we'll both wander around like lost children I guess." They both laugh as they get in the car.

As Soap drives he asks, "Do you have any idea what you want to get her? Anything she  _really_  likes?"

"Well, she loves reading like me. She loves looking at the stars and her favorite color is [your favorite color]. And chocolate but that seems so cliche. I've never really seen her wear jewelry, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like jewelry right?" Ghost is freaking out.

"It's all right man. Breathe. Look, you said she likes stars right? So why don't you buy her a star?" Soap says.

"You can do that?"

"Yup all you need is the internet."

"John, you are brilliant!" Ghost says smiling under his balaclava. He was happy Soap was with him. Ghost rarely went out to such a busy, public place like this. His balaclava would definitely draw attention. Having the limp wouldn't make things any better either.  _I'm doing this for her, nothing else matters._

He takes a deep breath and gets out of the car. Soap helps him but it doesn't make him feel weak. "Hey, do you think I can buy the star using my phone? I want to get it as soon as possible so it gets here in time,"Ghost says.

"Yeah, I can't see why not."

He takes out his phone but stops."Well, maybe it would be better if I did it on a computer so that I could sit down and take my time."

Soap shakes his head, "Take it easy, Simon. Do it when we get back."

"Yeah...okay."

When they get in the mall, Ghost tries his best to ignore all the stares and pointing.

"You all right?" Soap asks.

"Yeah...where should I go first?"

"You said that you've never seen her wearing jewelry, maybe you should change that," Soap says.

"Right." Ghost felt nervous. Why? He had no idea.

Once he walks into the shop he feels uncomfortable. Eventually, a hesitant saleswoman comes over and asks if he needs help with anything. "I have no idea," Ghost answers and the woman laughs nervously. He looks around and his eyes land on the rings, but he shakes his head.

"Do you have a limit, sir?"

"Excuse me?"

"A price limit."

"Not for her," he says quickly and then, "I mean...not exactly."

"What does she like?" The saleswoman asks.

Ghost sighs. "The thing is...I've never seen her wearing any jewelry so I'm not sure. She's... _we're_ in the military so no one really wears jewelry, you know..." He stops himself.  _She didn't ask for all that information..._

The woman is staring at him now. He takes his sunglasses off and clears his throat.

"Oh, well, how about a nice necklace? She would be able to tuck it away whenever she needed to."

"Sure...that sounds great." Ghost follows her over to the glass cases holding the necklaces. She pulls a chair out for him, "Please sit."

"Thank you," he says in his kindest voice.

"I'm Catherine, by the way and you are?"

"Gh-Simon. I'm Simon."

"Okay Simon, I'll show you some of our best sellers." Catherine opens the case and pulls out three necklaces, they all look the same to him. He looks at them completely dumbfounded.

"This one is nice." He points to one of the necklaces.

"Oh yes. It's a bit pricey but its one of our best." Ghost looks at it for awhile.  _Would she like it? She will like anything you get for her._ "I'll take it," he says without a second thought.

"Gift wrapped?" Catherine asks.

"Please."

He thought he'd be done after that, but he spent another hour in the shop trying to decide if he should get her something else. He didn't even notice that Soap had left until he came back with a bag of food."Got what you came for?" Soap asks.

"Yeah, let's go."

 

When he gets back to his room, she's gone and his bed is made. Ghost smiles and goes to hide her gift in his desk drawer.  _Is that a good place? Shit..._ He settles for hiding it on the shelf in his closet. No one ever goes in there.

Now for that star thing. He sits at his desk and turns on his laptop. Once he types it in, the International Star Registry pops up.  _This is perfect. Soap is a bloody genius._ He picks a star and a name he thinks she'll like. It comes with a certificate and a star map to show her exactly where to find it. "Amazing," Ghost says out loud. He gets the rush delivery just to be safe.

He wants to make her birthday as special as possible and he seems to be doing a great job so far.

**-two weeks later-**

The day was here: [y/n]'s birthday. 

The package with the star registry stuff had come way before he expected so he was happy about that.

She is already awake and dressed when he wakes up. She doesn't notice.

"Happy birthday, beautiful," Ghost says and she turns to him with the biggest smile, "Thank you, handsome."

She giggles and kisses him. He gets out of bed, stark naked and walks to his closet, she's cracking up. "Close your eyes," he says.

"I think its a little too late for that," [y/n] says looking at his naked body.

"Close your eyes, woman!"

"Okay okay."

First he pulls on some boxers then grabs the gifts and says "Open." She opens her eyes and gasps like a child. He gives her the star package first. When she opens it and looks at the framed certificate, she laughs softly. "You bought me a star..." Looking at him, tears in her eyes. "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you so much, Simon."

"There's more," he says. He hands her the little bag from the jewelry store. Ghost watches her every move.  _Please like it. Please like it!_ She opens the box and gasps again, louder this time.

"Simon...no..this...this is too much." He notices her hands trembling as she holds the necklace.

"Here, let me." 

She turns so he can put the necklace on her and when she turns back tears are streaming down her cheeks.

"None of that on your birthday, miss."

"I can't help it. It's your fault! Try to stop being so sweet."

Ghost laughs and kisses her. "We're having dinner later as well and I mean a real dinner."

"Hopefully I'll stop crying by then." They both laugh and kiss again. "I love you, Simon."

"I love you too, [y/n]."

**-A few hours later-**

Ghost was waiting downstairs for her, nervous as all hell. He felt like his tie was choking him.  _I'm just not used to wearing a bloody suit and tie._

He was so busy adjusting his tie that he didn't see her approaching until he heard the clip-clap sound of heels on the floor. Ghost looked up and felt like he'd been knocked backwards. He never knew a simple black dress and heels could drive him mad, but it was happening.

Her hair was down and she was wearing the necklace he got her. "Oh" was all Ghost could say. She touches the necklace, "It goes great with the dress, don't you think?"

He looks her up and down slowly, "Yeah," he finally says.

"Ready to go?" she says.

"Oh..um..yeah. After you." He holds the door open for her and he watches her walk by.

Ghost opens the car door for her and she thanks him. When he gets in the car, he just stares for a minute. "God, you're beautiful. You're perfect." Ghost says.

"Thank you. You're pretty perfect yourself," she says and brushes a strand of hair off his forehead. He wanted to touch her and kiss her, but if he did they would never make it to dinner.

Every time he stops at a red light he takes the chance to look at her. She's looking out the window playing with the necklace he gave her. "What are you thinking about?" he asks.

"You," she answers without hesitation.

"What about me?"

"Oh, just how I can thank you for these gifts."

Ghost inhales sharply and starts to cough, the car behind him beeps. [Y/N] laughs quietly as he starts driving again.

They reach the restaurant and Ghost gets out as quickly as he can to open the door for her. "Please be careful, Simon."

"Hush." He holds his arm out for her and she takes it. This limp was pissing him off, but he wasn't going to let it ruin the night.  _I hope she likes Italian food._

When they are seated, she starts to look around. "This is absolutely beautiful, too beautiful. I don't deserve this," she says.

"You deserve this and more."

The waiter comes over and Ghost orders a bottle of red wine for them.

He makes sure to ask [y/n] lots of questions because he loves when she talks and laughs and smiles.  _Everything._ He pours her some wine and then himself. They toast to each other and drink.

"Mmm..you're good at picking wine," she says.

When the waiter comes back, Ghost orders for the both of them.

"Your Italian is amazing."

Ghost shrugs, "I'm only good at ordering food."

During the dinner, he tells her things he has never told anyone. They talk and laugh and just enjoy each other's company.

 

After dinner, they head for the car, but Ghost stops and says, "Let's go for a walk."

"A walk? But your leg..."

"I'll manage." There's a park across the street so he takes her hand and leads her over to one of the paths. As they walk [y/n] looks up at the night sky. "I wonder where my star is."

"We'll get a telescope and looks for it one day," Ghost says and she smiles. "I'm such a lucky girl. Having a wonderful dinner with a wonderful man on a wonderful night." She spins looking at the sky and laughing. "Beautiful," she says.

"I agree," he says not looking at the sky but at her.

Ghost grabs her and just looks at her. "Simon, what is it?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

He lets her go and starts pacing. "I've never used those words with anyone before except my mother. I never thought I would until I laid eyes on you. I was completely dead inside, void of all emotion until you came alone."

He looks at he, tears shimmering in her eyes now. "The way I was before I met you is fading away. The way I am now, full of love and happiness, is how I want to feel forever. Now, I don't know if you feel the same but I hope you do because it feels fucking great!" 

She laughs now but her face is wet with tears.

"I can't imagine my life without you now. I don't want to go back to who I was before. I'm stronger with you. I'm better with you. You just said that you were a lucky girl, well, I'm a lucky guy to even be in your presence. I feel like the luckiest man in the world. The only thing that would make it better is if..." 

He pulls the box out of his jacket and gets down on his knee, wincing slightly,"...is if you would be my wife."

"Oh my god," she says crying with restraint. "OH MY GOD..."

[Y/N], will you marry me? Will you make me the luckiest man on earth, the happiest man on earth?"

She nods, still crying too much to say anything.

Finally, he hears her say yes. "Yes, Simon. Nothing would make me happier. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

Now his eyes are full of tears and he slips the ring on her finger. She helps him up and they kiss the most perfect kiss. He holds her, never wanting to let go.

"You said yes," Ghost says.

"Yes, I did." She looks at the ring.

"Are you going to tell everyone or do you want me to?" he asks.

"We'll figure something out."

She was right, they would figure it out. They would figure everything out  _together._ He would never feel alone again. He never had to go back to who he was. She looks at him and in her eyes he sees everything he ever wanted.

In her eyes,  _Simon_ sees the one thing that had eluded him for so long....

 

_LOVE_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you all think?
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has read this story, left kudos, and/or commented..it really helps me. I hope this was a good ending.
> 
> I have like 5 other stories planned so I'll still be around :)


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